1980
After riding for several years with various motorcycle gangs Magoo and I put together ‘The Anti Nowhere League’ . Although Magoo had spent the whole of 1979 trying to teach me how to play guitar (Space Oddity I think) we came to the conclusion that I would never be able to play Fuck All so I might as well be the singer!! We collaborated with Bones (drummer) and Baggy Elvy (bass) to play a whole bunch of bad cover versions just for a laugh and to play live on Tunbridge Wells Common the same time as the annual Carnival was taking place , which we did and immediately got arrested, in the local rag the following week we hit the headlines by calling us a ‘Cacophony’ of noise and so The League had arrived.
We had the band now all we needed was material, we looked no further than our own door step, disgusted from Tunbridge Wells was just about to get a kick up their 9 to 5, self righteous, middle class arse holes. In a very short space of time we were banned from all pubs and clubs and labelled The Anti Nowhere Conspiracy, toy town would never be the same again.
1981
After parting company with Bones and Baggy, we joined forces with Winston Blake and PJ we were now ready to take on the world. We managed to wrangle an opening slot on the Apocalypse Punk Tour with The Exploited, Chron Gen and Anti Pasti. Punk promoter John Curd wanted a piece of the action and he signed us to his WXYZ record label and also co-managed us with Chris Gabrin who unbeknown to him drunk a pint of our piss on our first meeting.
After bribing Rat Scabies in a bog hole at some shitty pub in the East End of London (two hundred quid I think) we got on a small tour up North with the Damned. We couldn’t afford hotels every night so we had to sleep in and under the van in the snow, but the Damned always fed us with their rider, which brings us to the famous carrot incident………….. Rat was giving it large in their dressing room after a show one night saying how he had seen all the rock and roll antics there was to see and nothing could shock him, Winston stood proud and bet Rat he could clear the dressing room within five minutes with just one antic.
Rat took on the challenge, the dressing room was full of record company liggers, so Winston went to the food table pick up the largest object he could see which happened to be a 9 inch carrot, dropped his jeans and pants, dipped the carrot in mayonnaise, then in the pickle and then in the ketchup, he bent over and inserted the carrot right up his arse…………he pumped it in and out a few times by now everyone was looking on in silence, he then removed it from his arse licked off the mayo, pickle, ketchup and shit dressing and ate the carrot. Rat said “Oh fucking hell” and everybody ran out, we tucked into the rest of the food.
We were about to release ‘Streets of London’ as our first single but couldn’t agree what to put on the flip side and as Magoo and I were sitting in a pub we listened in on a couple of bone heads having a conversation about things they had done. As one spoke the other was not listening and vice versa, so within five minutes we had wrote ‘So What’ the perfect flip side. Little did we know it would become our anthem, the press had a field day with us.
1982
By now we were in full flight, we toured the UK with the infamous 'So What' tour with bands such as Chelsea, Chron Gen and the Defects causing widespread offense to everyone, we were hated!. From Tony Blackburn to Mary Whitehouse everybody had a go, but we didn't give a FUCK, the illegal substances were flowing, our records were selling and I was promised a new Harley. Then bang, the obscene publication squad came down on us they seized all records from our offices and from our distributors, Faulty Products.
The naughty boys had turned into criminals. It swept like wild fire, all our records were removed from shops and we were banned from radio and television, although during all this we did go to do a Top of the Pops appearance but when they found out I had bought a three foot axe up with me they would not let us go on, so we locked ourselves into a changing room and refused to leave until they paid us which they did and then escorted us off the premises, never to set foot in the BBC again..........they had their chance and they blew it, FUCK EM we were off to the states with the UK Subs.
'Hardcore Storms America' Tour which was ANWL and UK Subs, it took us around the USA for about six weeks during which time we had been thrown off American Airlines (to cut a long funny story short) for touching up the air stewardess's, puking over fellow travelers and calling the captain an 'Old Cunt'(it was Charlie's fault) no sense of humour these yanks. The tour finished at the 'Peppermint Lounge' in New York which turned into a mass riot and we all ended up in the clap clinic.
1983
We took on an extra guitarist, ‘Gilly’ as Magoo was getting far to drunk to be able to play properly, seeing as we were going to Yugoslavia to record a live album. That even ran into trouble. The authorities in Yugoslavia would not release the tapes because we had made a few comments about their recently deceased President Tito. So that was hacked out the tapes before they could go to press, then as it was being pressed the police came down on us again and made us beep out all offensive words, (including a few ‘when’s’, it’s and ands) by now we couldn’t even fart without getting arrested. This was all now getting very boring, what the fuck do we do now?
1984
PJ quit the band during an American tour because of drink and drug pressures, we were spiralling out of control and we had lost our musical direction. Punk had finished for the time being and Heavy Metal was boring. We moved into areas of self indulgent CRAP inspired by amphetamines and dope. We started work on the ‘Perfect Crime’ album.
1985/1986
We left our punk label and signed to GWR records, took on a new drummer ‘JB’ and recorded the ‘Perfect Crime’ album in the ICC Christian recording studios in Eastbourne ( I’ve been to Hastings and Brighton too) the album really did not get finished because when GWR heard the album in it’s rough cut and they refused to put any more money into it hence no professional producer and it was released in its rough cut to try and recoup some of the money they had invested. But I think we all realised it was a pile of shit.
1987
I needed to get away from the rock business………….. I was sick of it all and the League disbanded.
1989
Decided to do a one off farewell show in the Victoria Hall in our home town of ‘Tunbridge Wells’. It was record for a live album , I think called ‘Live & Loud’ although the quality was rubbish, it did capture the moment. Thank you and Goodnight!!!!!!
1990
WENT MENTAL
1992
It was pissing hard with rain and I got a phone call from JB saying that Metallica would like me to go and sing ‘So What’ with them at Wembley, my reply was “who the fuck are they and I’ve got to work on my fucking car.” JB phoned back later and said “look these blokes are , I think you should do it”. Seeing as I had not been on stage for four years I couldn’t remember the words to ‘So What’. So I had to learn them again as JB drove me up there, mostly on the central reservation as I remember, we were late.
As I waited on the edge of the stage waiting to go on it suddenly dawned on me I was just about to stand in front of 10,000 punters who didn’t know me from Adam and sing a song that I couldn’t fucking remember………….all that kept running through my head was RUN you silly old fucker.
After the show and chatting with Metallica they suggested the League get back on the road and do some shows. I had the bug again.
1993
We started playing small venues again with the original attitude, it was good.
1996
Signed up with the German record label ‘Impact Records’ and released the ‘Pig Iron’ CD Although it was our first writing for many years it was too ‘metally’ for us it didn’t cut the mustard. I think Metallica’s influence had something to do with it but also it was co-written by the whole band and not by Magoo and myself as it was in the early days.
Magoo and I started to throw ideas at each other for the ‘Scum’ album and we took on Beef to give it some real bollocks.
Holidays in the Sun kicked off.
1997
We were touring quite heavily to such places as the USA and Europe and we were enjoying it again, but Winston couldn’t handle it, the pressure was too much, he knew he had to leave. Jon Jon stepped in, he had a act to follow but he did it with flying colours.
We recorded the ‘Scum Album’ for a few quid, we couldn’t afford a lot of time in the studio so the album suffered, but it did mean that Magoo and I was writing again and getting back into Punk..
We returned to Yugoslavia to record the‘Return to Yugoslavia’ album but it didn’t have the same appeal, the Germans wanted to do it anyway.
1998
Took on new drummer Danny, who with Jon Jon performed some more real class League antics………… which will be in the book that I am writing, along side all other infamous League stories to include :-
Magoo and dusty bin
Winston and the rude awakenings
PJ and the girl with the ‘lully’ eye
The mystery of the New York flying dead cat
The southern black snack
Message in a bottle
And of course the famous Winston and Mr Whippy
1999
Released ‘Out of Control’ album which were all early rough demos of songs thrown out before ‘We are the League’ its quite crappy but fuck, ya have to start somewhere.
With the line up of Animal, Magoo, Beef , Jon Jon and Danny, we are still playing a few shows around the world.
