EMINEM - Criminal lyrics

rate me


A lot of people ask me.. stupid fuckin questions

A lot of people think that.. what I say on records

or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life

or that I believe in it

Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that..

I'm actually gonna do it

or that I believe in it

Well, shit.. if you believe that

then I'll kill you

You know why?

Cuz I'm a



You god damn right


Yeah, I'm a CRIMINAL


My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge

That'll stab you in the head

whether you're a fag or lez

Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest

Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer's "yes"

Homophobic? Nah, you're just heterophobic

Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)

That's my motherfuckin balls, you'd better let go of em

They belong in my scrotum, you'll never get hold of em

Hey, it's me, Versace

Whoops, somebody shot me!

And I was just checkin the mail

Get it? Checkin the 'male'?

How many records you expectin to sell

after your second LP sends you directly to jail?

C'mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men

Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)

Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus

Heal this child, help us destroy these demons

Oh, and please send me a brand new car

And a prostitute while my wife's sick in the hospital

Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher

You can't reach me, my mom can't neither

You can't teach me a goddamn thing cause

I watch TV, and Comcast cable

and you ain't able to stop these thoughts

You can't stop me from toppin these charts

And you can't stop me from droppin each March

with a brand new cd for these fuckin retards

Duhhh, and to think, it's just little ol' me

Mr. "Don't Give A Fuck," still won't leave

<i>[Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)]</i>


Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it's a crime

to tell em what's on my mind - I guess I'm a CRIMINAL

but I don't gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird

and keep goin, I don't take shit from no one


My mother did drugs - tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed

The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed

It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she

Don't dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me

I'm a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed

But how the fuck you sposed to grow up when you weren't raised?

So as I got older and I got a lot taller

My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger

I drink malt liquor to fuck you up quicker

than you'd wanna fuck me up for sayin the word nigga

My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral

Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk

Off of his own employee

Now don't ignore me, you won't avoid me

You can't miss me, I'm white, blonde-haired

and my nose is pointy

I'm the bad guy who makes fun of people that die

in plane crashes and laughs

As long as it ain't happened to him

Slim Shady, I'm as crazy as Em

-inem and Kim combined - <i>[*kch*]</i> the maniac's in

Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn't make it today

He's a little under the weather, so I'm takin his place

(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that's Dre with an AK to his face

Don't make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place

I told you Dre, you should've kept that thang put away

I guess that'll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?


<i>[Interlude Skit]</i>

Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker

get the motherfuckin money and get the fuck up outta there

<i>[Em]</i> Aight

I'll be right here waitin on you

<i>[Em]</i> Aight

Yo Em

<i>[Em]</i> What?!

Don't kill nobody this time

<i>[Em]</i> Awwright... god damn, fuck...

(whistling) how you doin'?

<i>[Teller]</i> HI, how can I help you?

<i>[Eminem]</i> Yeah I need to make a withdrawl

<i>[Teller]</i> Okay

<i>[Eminem]</i> Put the fuckin money in the bag bitch

and I won't kill you!

<i>[Teller]</i> What? Oh my god, don't kill me

<i>[Eminem]</i> I'm not gonna kill you bitch, quit lookin around...

<i>[Teller]</i> Don't kill me, please don't kill me...

<i>[Eminem]</i> I said I'm not gonna fuckin kill you

Hurry the fuck up! <i>[*BOOM*]</i> Thank you!


Windows tinted on my ride when I drive in it

So when I rob a bank, run out and just dive in it

So I'll be disguised in it

And if anybody identifies the guy in it

I'll hide for five minutes

Come back, shoot the eyewitness

Fire at the private eye hired to pry in my business

Die, bitches, bastards, brats, pets

This puppy's lucky I didn't blast his ass yet <i>[*dog whines*]</i>

If I ever gave a fuck, I'd shave my nuts

tuck my dick inbetween my legs and cluck

You motherfuckin chickens ain't brave enough

to say the stuff I say, so just tape it shut <i>[*tape unrolls*]</i>

Shit, half the shit I say, I just make it up

To make you mad so kiss my white naked ass

And if it's not a rapper that I make it as

I'ma be a fuckin rapist in a Jason mask

<i>[Chorus 2X]</i>

<i>[thanks to kevin.toner blueyonder for correcting these lyrics]</i>

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