WEIRD AL YANKOVIC - Jerry Springer lyrics

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It's been one week since we got to see<br>Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry<br>Five days since they had the show<br>With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho<br>Three days since we heard the tale<br>About the guy who learned his woman was a she-male<br>Yesterday it occurred to me<br>That I've been watchin' a bit too much jerry springer<br><br>Holy cow, d'you see it last week? <br>Well, they had this one freak<br>Who sucker-punched his whole family<br>Do you recall when the brawl<br>Became a total free-for-all<br>And jerry's in the middle tryin' to be the referee<br>Hey, see the stripper with the implants<br>She likes to lap dance<br>And date the boyfriend of her mother<br>Now here come's jerry's next guest<br>And it's a slugfest<br>'cause it's her trailer trash brother<br>Nymphomaniac is back on crack<br>It's like when animals attack<br>They all exhibit reprehensible behavior<br>Hit 'em in the nose, tear off their clothes<br>Step on their toes, that's how it goes<br>They get so violent they have to sign a waiver<br><br>They're always swearin', cursin', kickin' butt, and pointin' blame<br>On the air? they don't care, they've got no shame<br>There was one guy who I'm sure felt a little strange<br>When he found out that his wife had a sex change<br>They have a tendency to scream and yell constantly<br>They have a history of ripping off their shirts<br><br>It's been one week since they had the fight<br>With the siamese twins and the transvestite<br>Five days since that awful brawl<br>They still haven't got the blood off the wall<br>It's been three days since the bitter fued<br>Between the kkk and that gay jewish black dude<br>Yesterday, finally dawned on me<br>I'm spendin' way too much time on that jerry springer<br><br>Guy guest : baby, I've been sleepin' with your sister<br>Gal guest : oh? well, which one? <br>Guy guest : all of them<br>Gal guest : oh! well, I've been sleepin' with your best friend jake!<br>Guy guest : yah? well, well me too!<br>Gal guest : oh!<br>Guy guest : and I've sleepin' with your dog woofie!<br>(barking)<br>Gal guest : woofie, you b-tch!<br>Gal guest : well, I'm also sleepin' with your pet goat!<br>(baaahhing)<br>Guy guest : that goat doesn't love you!<br><br>Once you start watchin', there's just no stoppin'<br>Your brain shuts down, then your iq's droppin'<br>Jerry's the king of confrontation<br>He's a sensation<br>He puts the 'sin' in syndication<br>It's totally worthless, like a bad check<br>It's like a train wreck<br>Don't wanna stare but you can't look away<br>Like sally jesse he does talk shows<br>But with more weirdos<br>The ratings jumpin' higher everyday<br>If you've seen the show, well then you know<br>It's just as low as you can go<br>The guests are tacky and they're lacking in their hygiene<br>And pretty soon some ugly goon<br>Comes in the room and then it's boom<br>In the face of some unsuspecting drag queen<br><br>Well it's the kind of show where people scream obscenities<br>Yankin' hair, throwin' chairs at their hubbies<br>Jerry! jerry! now the crowd starts their favorite chant<br>Should I turn off my tv? I just can't<br>I have a tendency to watch it religiously<br>I have a history of taping each one<br><br>It's been one week since the show about<br>Psycho killers with problems they should work out<br>Five days since the big surprise<br>When some loser's wife said she's shtill dating twenty guys<br>Three days wince he interviewed<br>A bunch of psychic porn star midgets who were all nude<br>Yesterday, it occurred to me<br>That I've been watchin' a bit too much jerry springer<br>Tired of wastin' my time on that jerry springer<br>I've got way too much class to watch jerry springer<br>Come over here and pull on my finger