Tom Green - Hey Masturbator lyrics

rate me

OH OH OH! (squishy sound)

Sitting in my house

And I know that I'm alone,

Feeling kind'a horny

Got a tingle in my bone

Go and grab a Penthouse

It's the one with Sharon Stone,

HEY MASTURBATOR!

I go a little faster

When it's feeling kind'a nice

Once ain't enough so I have to do it twice

If you wanna spank the monkey

I can give you good advice

HEY MASTURBATOR!

*Woman moans*

I use some baby oil

Or a little vaseline

Laying down a towel

So I keep my carpet clean

Never shake my hand

Cuz' you don't know where it's been

HEY MASTURBATOR!

I do it in my car

While I'm driving down the street

One hand on the wheel

And the other on my meat

I can't get out the car

Cuz I'm sticking to the seat

HEY MASTURBATOR!

*Tom Green, a goat and the woman moan*

Since I was a kid

I have been a masturbator

Choke the chicken

Hold the knob

Squeezing the tomato

I flip to miss November

Now I'm gonna decorate 'er

HEY MASTURBATOR!

Buffing the banana

Drain the lizard

Shake and bake'em

Pounding on the flounder

And it's mayonnaise I'm makin'

Spank the frank

Wax the carrot

God my hand it's aching

HEY MASTURBATOR!

*everyone moans*

HEY MASTURBATOR!