Tom Edwards

Tom Edwards - What Is A Teenage Boy? lyrics

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A teenage boy is a rare combination

Of many living creatures

He runs like a gazelle, swims like a fish

Eats like a horse, sleeps like a bear

Laughs like a hyena and makes noises

Like a cage full of monkeys

In reality, he's just a normal

Happy, healthy American boy

Too old to be a child

And too young to be a man

A teenage boy can be found

Beneath a crew-cut, behind a black eye

In front of the corner drugstore

Over large portions of food

And more often than not

Under the stern look of his father

Teenage boys are positive

That their fathers never were teenagers

Or else how could they

Possibly be so square

Although a teenage boy is rarely serious

He nevertheless does an oustanding job

With the things he really likes to do

Such as just goofing, taking clocks apart

Playing records that really send him

Dodging household chores and spending money

Preferably not his own

He dislikes visiting his relatives

Running errands, hanging up his clothing

Hats and bath tubs

Along with his other animal traits

A teenage boy has the

Incredible memory of an elephant

He remembers his first haircut

His kindergarten teacher

The batting average of every baseball player

And all the words of all the current songs

Yet with this great retentive memory

He forgets to change his socks

Wash his neck, close the door behind him

His mother's birthday and his two lines

In the school play

Teenage boys have one tricky device

For getting even with their parents

For such things as scolding, curfews

Forced labor and things like that

They continuously keep growing

Growing out of brand new suits

Shirts, shoes and out of hand

However, there are several methods

Employed by a father to show

The teenage boy just who the boss is

By reasoning, by pleading

By coaxing, by threatening

By putting his foot down, by bribing

And at the point of frustration

By dropping the whole thing

And forgetting who the boss really is

A teenager changes from a daytime roughneck

To a night time gentlemen when he starts

Getting ready for his first real dress-up dance

Foremost in his preperations is the shaving

Of the two stray hairs lurking in the peach fuzz

And finally, after spending twenty minutes

Getting the wave in his hair just right

He's off to the dance

And there, typical of most teenage boys

He and his buddies will stand around

In small groups, making comments while they

Watch the girls dance with each other

In the evening, in the seclusion of his room

A teenage boy will dream of his future

He pictures himself as a jet pilot

Breaking the sound barrier several times a day

Or perhaps he's navigating

The first rocket ship to the moon

Or maybe he's just broken

Babe Ruth's home run record

Basking in the glory of

His dream world accomplishments

He suddenly finds himself back to reality

He has just heard the proud familiar voice

Of his mother calling from the kitchen

(For the last time, you get right down here

And take the garbage out)

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