There's nothing on T.V. but a thing
Called Scarecrow and Mrs. King.
You sit and watch it while your wife
Becomes the play thing of another man's life:
It don't bother me, I'm a toady -
I'm John Bonham's coke roadie.

Your life is totally out of step,
But so what? - I'm with the Zep;
I don't wash dishes or pay the rent -
I just depend on John getting bent:
It don't bother me, I'm a toady -
I'm John Bonham's coke roadie.

It's amazing what goes through your brain
As I frantically sweep the little grains:
Think of fidelity! Think of the fools!
Marriage destroys you - stick to drum stools.
It don't bother me, I'm a toady -
I'm John Bonham's coke roadie.

We tour through cities; I see life -
And someone is next to your wife;
The only thing that can't be canned
Is scrambling under the high hat stand:
It don't bother me, I'm a toady - 
I'm John Bonham's coke roadie.