Tim Wilson - 100 Things to remember lyrics

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I had a crazy uncle that was on his deathbed a long time ago,

he said "BOY... there's a hundred things in life every man needs to know to

survive... and here's 39 of em'"

a virgin don't never drive a z-28

never bet the ranch on your prostate

if it's got an adams apple its probley a man

never trust a gay gypsy with the palm of your hand

she didn't accidently get good in bed

you can't join a church if your already dead

a work uniform ain't totally nude

brim and bass ain't seafood

when theres guns in the house one better be yours

don't be naked next to any fishin' lures

if theres girl scout cookies she's a little too young

if you say I do... be the ugly one

don't ever let a bald man borry your comb

never play strip poker in a nursin' home

don't blame your pall bearers cuz they don't show

if your buried in the middle of the super bowl

let people borry money they'll leave you alone

never fry bacon without a shirt on

never spray water on a hornets nest

a woman rarely aces the drivers test

the sign probly don't really mean massage

never threaten anybody in camoflauge

say you love her til she lays down the butcher knife

never put the move on the bosses wife

she's messin' round on ya if yer briefs don't fit

never trust a hitch-hiker to babysit

Cosmo's never in a happy home

you can't cut a deal with a kidney stone

a politician ain't got an HMO

washin' her hair means she don't wanna go

don't ridicule a biker bout' his tatoo

you been married nine times... hell maybe its you

Doom ain't the same as donkey kong

if he's wearing high heels you mighta raised him wrong

the clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates

don't rent a room from a man named Bates

a tank tops never on a billionaire

Stevie Ray Vaughn missed a note here and there

how many get to heaven noone knows

but hell will be asses and elbows

and then he died... crazy fool rolled over and DIED! and never did tell me

what them other 61 things were... so if anybody out there knows... how

bout gettin' ahold of me at tim wilson dot net