Thoroughly Modern Millie movie - The Speed Test lyrics
rate me<br>
MR. GRAYDON:<br>
Take a letter. To a Mr. John Hudson, Hudson's Floor Wax. You will find an invoice in the file for the address. "Dear Mr. Hudson," colon:<br>
<br>
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation<br>
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation<br>
When the floor wax that we bought from you<br>
Arrived here Monday morning<br>
We discovered upon usage that the fume<br>
Should have a warning<br>
Since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid<br>
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced<br>
And unless you can convince me <br>
You've improved the floor wax batter<br>
We will take our business elsewhere<br>
So I hope you solve this matter<br>
<br>
How's my speed, Miss Dillmount?<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
A little slow, perhaps.<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON:<br>
Ah!<br>
Enclosed you'll find a small container<br>
Of the stuff I talk about<br>
Just carefully remove the lid<br>
And take a whiff if you've a doubt<br>
I'm sure you wouldn't want me<br>
To alert the daily papers<br>
With the news of how our office<br>
Was affected by your vapours<br>
Which is why I choose to write to you<br>
A confidential letter<br>
Full of strong recommendation<br>
That you make your floor wax better<br>
I just hope it won't require us<br>
To have our floor relaid and<br>
If it does you may expect a bill<br>
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon<br>
<br>
Now, read that back to me please.<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
Certainly. "Dear Mr. Hudson," colon:<br>
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation<br>
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation<br>
When the floor wax that we bought from you<br>
Arrived here Monday morning<br>
We discovered upon usage that the fume<br>
Should have a warning<br>
Since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid<br>
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON: <br>
Nice!<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
And unless you can convince me <br>
You've improved the floor wax batter<br>
We will take our business elsewhere<br>
So I hope you solve this matter<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON:<br>
Not half bad. Continue please.<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
Enclosed you'll find a small container<br>
Of the stuff I talk about<br>
Just carefully remove the lid<br>
And take a whiff if you've a doubt<br>
I'm sure you wouldn't want me<br>
To alert the daily papers<br>
With the news of how our office<br>
Was affected by your vapours<br>
Which is why I choose to write to you<br>
A confidential letter<br>
Full of strong recommendation<br>
That you make your floor wax better<br>
I just hope it won't require us<br>
To have our floor relaid and<br>
If it does you may expect a bill<br>
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON:<br>
Miss Dillmount, may I speak frankly?<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
Yes?<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON:<br>
If I could be so lucky<br>
As to have a good stenographer<br>
To keep this place as up-to-date<br>
As her short skirt and bobbed coiffure<br>
I wouldn't have to worry 'bout<br>
Our soured office planking<br>
And could concentrate on generating<br>
Profits ripe for banking<br>
That is why I'm testing you<br>
With this outrageous correspondence<br>
Which I don't intend to actually mail<br>
To the respondents<br>
So if you can make sense of my unintelligble patter<br>
Then the job is yours and Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter?<br>
Matter, matter, matter, matter<br>
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter?<br>
Matter, matter, matter, matter<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON (at the same time):<br>
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter!<br>
Matter, matter, matter, matter<br>
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter!<br>
<br>
<br>
OFFICE WORKERS (at the same time):<br>
Hudson's Floor Wax doesn't matter!<br>
Matter, matter, matter, matter<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON:<br>
Now, I want that letter on my desk in two minutes flat. Man your machine! Go!<br>
<br>
(Millie's rapid fire typing/tapping dazzles the office workers. She presents the finished letter to Mr. Graydon.) <br>
<br>
Time! "Dear Mr. Hudson,"<br>
<br>
MILLIE AND OFFICE WORKERS:<br>
Colon.<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON:<br>
My eyes are fully open to my awful situation<br>
So I'm writing you a letter to demand an explanation<br>
When the floor wax that we bought from you<br>
Arrived here Monday morning<br>
We discovered upon usage that the fume<br>
Should have a warning<br>
Since the only possibility is that the wax is rancid<br>
I request a full refund of all the money we advanced<br>
And unless you can convince me <br>
You've improved the floor wax batter<br>
We will take our business elsewhere<br>
So I hope you solve this matter<br>
<br>
MILLIE AND OFFICE WORKERS:<br>
So I hope you solve this matter<br>
So I hope you solve this matter<br>
So I hope you solve this matter<br>
Matter, matter, matter, matter<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON:<br>
Going on.<br>
<br>
Enclosed you'll find a small container<br>
Of the stuff I talk about<br>
Just carefully remove the lid<br>
And take a whiff if you've a doubt<br>
I'm sure you wouldn't want me<br>
To alert the daily papers<br>
With the news of how our office<br>
Was affected by your vapours<br>
Which is why I choose to write to you<br>
A confidential letter<br>
Full of strong recommendation<br>
That you make your floor wax better<br>
I just hope it won't require us<br>
To have our floor relaid and<br>
If it does you may expect a bill<br>
Sincerely, Trevor Graydon<br>
<br>
You have made the team Miss Dillmount!<br>
<br>
OFFICE WORKERS:<br>
You have made the team Miss Dillmount!<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
Tell me where my desk is<br>
When we eat lunch<br>
How much I'll be paid, and<br>
Nice to meet you, I know we'll be friends<br>
Just call me Millie Graydon<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:<br>
Millie Graydon?<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
I mean Dillmount!<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:<br>
Millie Dillmount?<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
Someday Graydon!<br>
<br>
MR. GRAYDON and OFFICE WORKERS:<br>
Graydon? Dillmount? Dillmount?<br>
Graydon? Graydon? Dillmount?<br>
<br>
MILLIE:<br>
Graydon!<br>
<br>
ALL:<br>
Ahhhhhhh!<br>
<br>
