The South Park Album Television Compilation movie - Mephisto and Kevin lyrics

rate me

Song by Primus<br /><br>

In 1986, the University of California Davis, sought two of the <br>

all-time brightest stars, <br>

Dr. Alphonze Mephesto, and Dr. Arny Abe Sacrabin, <br>

Dr. Mephesto worked hard toward his thesis, <br>

his goal was to genetically duplicate the DNA structure of asparagus, <br>

so that all asparagus would grow to the same girth and length, <br>

giving asparagus a much more pleasant presentation in the world's <br>

supermarket vegetable business. <br>

<br>

Dr. Abe Sacrabin's goal was to genetically create the greatest musical<br>

entertainer the world had ever seen,<br>

Dr. Abe Sacrabin knew that if he could assemble the right elements he<br>

could theoretically build a DNA structure,<br>

that would ensure his creation of talent far surpassing the average<br>

individual.<br>

At the time, one subject of urban myth was the story that Michael<br>

Jackson, in a effort to<br>

retain his youthful look and feminine vocal characteristics had his<br>

testicles surgically removed,<br>

thereby making him a modern day Castrato,<br>

If such a rumor were true,<br>

Michael Jackson more than likely would have some of his semen preserved<br>

before the surgery to insure the future of his name and lineage.<br>

<br>

Word came back to Dr. Abe Sacrabin,<br>

of a secret cold storage locker<br>

deep within the bowels of a used UCLA research center,<br>

that not only contained four containers of frozen semen,<br>

but also held a pair of testicles each was labeled with the name, Jack Michaelson.<br>

<br>

What's that noise, In the night the most sentuaint voice,<br>

the song of love from an angelic boy, stuck in my head,<br>

and this is what he said,<br>

<br>

"I am gopher boy, pondering reality,<br>

I am gopher boy, Who will buy my raspberries?"<br>

<br>

This had to be the seed of the king of pop,<br>

Dr. Abe Sacrabin was able to use his charm and chiseled great features<br>

to woo a young lab technician by the name of Jennifer,<br>

who of course just happened to have the proper access needed to obtain a<br>

small vile of the precious semen.<br>

The search for the egg was a short one,<br>

Dr. Mephesto simply ran an ad in the classified section of an LA Music<br>

magazine. The ad read: "Wanted: Unfertilized human eggs for genetic experiment.<br>

Donors must have musical background."<br>

With a plethora of young eager wannabe musical stardoms, willing to sell their eggs,<br>

the two doctors, after rigorous auditioning, picked and purchased.<br>

Dr. Abe Sacrabin felt that it would be far less complicated legally,<br>

if the fetus was brought to term in the womb of a non human.<br>

He had long since secured the services of the University Volleyball<br>

Mascot,<br>

a llama by the name of Missy.<br>

When the baby was ready,<br>

the child was removed via cesarean.<br>

It was a healthy baby boy, and he was named Kevin.<br>

<br>

What's that noise, In the night the most sentuaint voice,<br>

the song of love from an angelic boy, stuck in my head,<br>

and this is what he said,<br>

<br>

"I am gopher boy, pondering reality,<br>

I am gopher boy, Who will buy my raspberries?"<br>

<br>

Kevin was a beautiful child,<br>

Dr. Abe Sacrabin sought to it that Kevin was trained by the best in all<br>

aspects of performing, his voice was golden and had a sweetness to it that most males lacked.<br>

He moved with grace and was able to moonwalk by the time he was three.<br>

As Kevin grew with talent, Dr. Abe Sacrabin started noticing odd<br>

developments in his physical state.<br>

When Kevin lost his baby teeth, his secondaries came in with a vengeance,<br>

they were at least twice the size as a normal adult's and the two in<br>

front stuck nearly straight out, also as Kevin reached the 8th year,<br>

he was the same height as he was when he was 4.<br>

To top it off, he was growing hair all over and his penis was enormous,<br>

even by adult standards.<br>

It also dawned on the doctor that even through all the years of hearing Kevin's singing,<br>

he rarely spoke, often chosing to communicate through various grunts and gurgles<br>

<br>

What's that noise, In the night the most sentuaint voice,<br>

the song of love from an angelic boy, stuck in my head,<br>

and this is what he said,<br>

<br>

"I am gopher boy, pondering reality,<br>

I am Gopher Boy, who will buy my raspberries?"<br>

<br>

Other's were noticing the changes in Kevin,<br>

the children began to tease him, and call him "Gopher Boy".<br>

One Day, a bully by the name of Big Roy, started throwing bananas at him,<br>

soon a crowd of kids were all throwing bananas.<br>

Suddenly, in a fury, Kevin rushed at Big Roy and bit 3 fingers off on his left hand.<br>

Kevin was taken away and placed in the custody of the state,<br>

Dr. Abe Sacrabin actions were found out,<br>

but because there was no legislation concerning the genetic construction<br>

of another human being,<br>

no criminal charges were brought forth.<br>

The medical association's board of ethics stripped him of all his<br>

credentials and his reputation was ruined,<br>

in fact, his name became so synonymous with failure,<br>

that for years to come, med students around the world were known to say<br>

in time of mishap,<br>

<br>

"Damn, I feel just like Abe Sacrabin."<br>

<br>

Dr. Mephesto immediately began proceeds to adopt little Kevin.<br>

Being a noted scientist and the creator of the cloned asparagus,<br>

it wasn't long before the two were legally united as father and son.<br>

<br>

They moved to Colorado, where they live in relative obscurity.<br>

Kevin is still a boy, of few spoken words, sticking mainly to his grunts and gurgles,<br>

but on occasion, if you listen closely, you can hear his sweet golden<br>

singing voice, ring out into the night, over the small town, of South Park.<br>

<br>

"I am gopher boy pondering reality,<br>

I am Gopher Boy, who will buy my raspberries?"<br>

<br>