The Frantics - Last Will And Temperment lyrics
rate me<div class="showResultLinks">Last Will And Temperament<br />
By The Frantics<br />
Available on Frantic Times, CBC Records LM484, 1984<br />
EXECUTOR: As the executor of Mr. Muldoon's estate, I have been empowered to read Mr. Muldoon's Last Will And Testament.<br />
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HEDGE: Well, get on with it, the bars open soon.<br />
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JENNY: Oh, poor, dear Arthur! Waaaa! <br />
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HANK: Oh, there, there, Jenny.<br />
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RALSTON: God, how predictably boring.<br />
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MRS. MULROY: I never worked for a kinder man.<br />
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EXECUTOR: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading.<br />
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RALSTON: I knew it.<br />
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HEDGE: Heh heh heh heh.<br />
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EXECUTOR: "I, Arthur Durham Muldoon, being of sound mind and body..."<br />
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HEDGE: That's a laugh! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "... do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows. To my overly emotional sister, Jenny..."<br />
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JENNY: Waaaa! <br />
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HANK: Jenny, darling, he's talking about us.<br />
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JENNY: Oh.<br />
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EXECUTOR: "... who grubbed with her husband, Hank, grubbed for everything they could get from me, and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy..."<br />
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JENNY: What?<br />
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EXECUTOR: "... To Jenny, I leave a boot to the head."<br />
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JENNY: A what?<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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JENNY: Ow! <br />
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HANK: Jenny, are you okay?<br />
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EXECUTOR: "... and another boot to her wimpy husband, Hank."<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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HANK: Ow! <br />
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HEDGE: Hahahahaha... <br />
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JENNY: This is an outrage! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "... ah, but still, you are my sister, you have both admired my Rolls Royce, and since I no longer need it..."<br />
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JENNY: Oh, dear Arthur, he's too kind! <br />
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HANK: Yes.<br />
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EXECUTOR: "... I bequeath another boot to the head."<br />
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JENNY: What?<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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JENNY: Ow! <br />
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HEDGE: Hahahaha... <br />
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EXECUTOR: "And one more for the wimp."<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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HANK: Ow! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "Next, to my alcoholic brother..."<br />
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HEDGE: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "... to dear Hedge, who has never worked a day in his drunken life..."<br />
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HEDGE: I'm coverin' up my head! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "... I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey."<br />
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HEDGE: Really?<br />
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EXECUTOR: "And a boot to the head."<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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HEDGE: OH! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "And another for Jenny and the wimp."<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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JENNY: Oh! <br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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HANK: Ow! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "Next, to my know-it-all nephew, Ralston..."<br />
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RALSTON: This is so predictable... <br />
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EXECUTOR: "... I leave a boot to the head."<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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RALSTON: Uh! I knew it.<br />
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EXECUTOR: "And one for Jenny and the wimp."<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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JENNY: Ah! <br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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HANK: OH! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "This takes care of family obligations. And now, to Mrs. Mulroy..."<br />
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MRS. MULROY: Oh, uh, I don't want nothin'.<br />
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EXECUTOR: "... who took care of me faithfully these many, many years, who cared, made me laugh, brought me tea..."<br />
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MRS. MULROY: Oh, I didn't mind.<br />
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EXECUTOR: "To Mrs. Mulroy, I bequeath a boot to the head."<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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MRS. MULROY: OH! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "And one for Jenny and the wimp."<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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JENNY: AH! <br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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HANK: OH! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "And so, to my cat Mittens, I leave my entire vast... boot to the head!"<br />
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*BONK! *<br />
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*MEOW! *<br />
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EXECUTOR: "And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head... but a rabid Tasmanian devil, to be placed in his trousers!" Ooohhh! Oh, huh huh huh huh, and, and, "... and I leave my entire estate of $10 million to the people of Calgary so they can afford to move somewhere decent!" Huh.<br />
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HANK: Is that it?<br />
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RALSTON: That's it?<br />
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HEDGE: That's disgraceful.<br />
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EXECUTOR: There's one last thing for everyone.<br />
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HEDGE: Cover your heads, everybody! <br />
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EXECUTOR: "I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream."<br />
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HANK: Ice cream?<br />
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HEDGE: Ice cream?<br />
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RALSTON: Ice cream, that's all?<br />
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EXECUTOR: That's all.<br />
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MRS. MULROY: Well, what flavor is it?<br />
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EXECUTOR: Boot to the head! <br />
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*BONK! * *BONK! * *BONK! * *BONK! *<br />
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ALL: OW!</
