(Heaton/Rotheray)
This is the Awards for Industry and Free Enterprise 
So let me sit you down and tell you how I won first prize 
I took on your free enterprise and your pretty little shops 
Walked in with empty bags and walked out with the lot 

So I've come for my award, I've come for my award 
I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford 
Let hands be shook 
Champagne poured 
Sentence ignored 
Yes. I've come for my award 

This is the Awards for Industry and Free Enterprise 
Anyone want a gold watch in a ladies' size? 
There's a few more round the back 
I stole them from your shop 
We've got no more in silver, that's all that you'd got 

So I've come for my award, I've come for my award 
I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford 
Let hands be shook 
Champagne poured 
Sentence ignored 
Yes. I've come for my award 

I chatted with your guards and winked at roving eye 
A thousand hidden cameras were searching cross the sky 
But they didn't see me pinch them from underneath their eyes 

So I've come for my award, I've come for my award 
I thought I'd come in person that's the least I can afford 
Let hands be shook 
Champagne poured 
Sentence ignored 
Yes. I've come for my award 
Jesus was my greatest accomplice 
Jesus was my greatest accomplice 
Jesus was my greatest accomplice 
Yes, I've come for my award 

Hairdryer, overcoat, telly, dot-to-dot 
Video, compact disc, there's nothing we forgot 
Whilst I was busy smiling my father got the lot 
I've come for my Award