That Handsome Devil - Dating Tips Lyrics lyrics

rate me

People often ask me;

"Godforbid," they say,

"You're quite the ladies man

What's your secret?"

Well...

You too can be swimming in women

A float in seas of ovaries

But more importantly,

Knowing whether behind those pretty eyes

You have a diamond in the rough

Or colored contact lenses

In a rough **** stripper named Diamond

Let's recreate the scene

Make-believe you're at the table, see

Talking playfully to the waitress

At your local place to eat

Way beneath the apron, Maybelline,

Smell of eggs and cheese, bacon grease

She's a babe, an 8 at least

You wanna push the plate of quesadillas off the table

And spread them angel's wings

But you can't say a thing?

If you don't do well with women

They sell prescription drugs on television

May cause loss of appetite, malnutrition,

Dizzy spells and different bells were ringing

And that's where I come in and give 'em

A little extra help to get 'em

(You can get... in her pants...

But just don't... be her man...)

You see, confidence is key

When entering any situation

We all have insecurities,

So why not build your confidence

On the insecurities of others?

Hey, she's gonna **** somebody

So why not you?

The drunker you are

The easier it is to get laid,

But the harder it is to ****

You may have to picture what it is this month

Whoever you've been thinking of

The girl at the pizza hut,

Midgets, nuns

Whatever little miss it was

And with a little hard work

A little luck,

If you haven't given up,

Maybe you can get it up

Now ****'s supposed to be fun

Instant gratification,

A roller coaster;

But no one wants to get stuck over

And over going home to the roller coaster

It's hard to watch your shows and do your homework

And when the ride you rode is over

It'll cost more than a roll of quarters

(You can get...

In her pants...

But just don't...

Be her man...)

So pull out

I know how warm and good it feels

But it's getting crowded round here

So please, pull out

If it's not the one you wanna stay with

You can avoid the face but not the abbreviations

Taking payments from your pay check

You can do it, pull out!

Men have what I call a 'Columbus Complex;'

Other people may have been there

But we still wanna feel like we discovered it

So don't tell the number that you've done it with

Your summers in columbia when you were young

And did a bunch of dumber sh*t

Rambunctious kids, wait for the second date

To cuff the wrists

Sponges, rubber gloves

And whips, oven mits

Now a well trimmed personal area that's nice

But why's she so ready?

You don't suppose that she never knows

When she might show somebody

Now think of that before you go steady

Or maybe at your own wedding

(You can get...

In her pants...

But just don't...

Be her man...)

If she's your girlfriend,

Leave her alone with your friends

Now I don't expect no virgins

But let 'em try to score

Is she flirting or is she !*#@@in men at work man

You better hurry and get yourself a new girlfriend

Remember the currency exchange rate;

At this party she's an eight,

At the club a seven,

My apartment a ten

Environment dictates

The morning after she may slip to a three

'Cause some things are better just to lust for

This concludes the introductory segment

Of the Godforbid Self-help collection

(If it's not the one you want, just say go)

Hey, sleep with other races

Help out international relations

For further behavioural instructions

Consult the nearest strip club,

And/or liquor store

Thank you, and enjoy yourself

Thanks to Dan Szabo for these lyrics

Thanks to Trolley for these lyrics

Thanks to Dan Szabo & Matt Prowdy for these lyrics