Hi my name is Jason and I'm not gay

People call me a waste man, cause I haven't got a Job

Bed, up, make tea, shower, eat,
Paste, wheat, change, go, make pes,
Alarm snooze back to sleep

All of my little brothers, always call me a waste man
Because I'm 27, and I'm living down in the basement
I'm so complacent, so I will stay here
They're banging on my door, but I won't chase em
Cause I'm so lazy, the last few days I
Haven't seen day light, I haven't shaved
And they can say what they like, they just hate me
Cause I never let em have a go on my playstation (Piss Off)

They said I'm fat I need to go to the gym
I don't wanna be fat, I wanna be slim
Did a minute on the treadmill went for a swim
Little kids jumped out soon as I jumped in
Now I'm in the changing room

Hi my name is Jason and I'm not gay
I'm looking at your thing but it's not what you think
I'm thinking to myself why is mine not as big
So I think dirty thoughts so I can get it bigger
Beyonce look at me now I'm a killer
I said I'm not gay go away stop wishing
I just wanted a bit of stiff competition

(Em sorry Jason,) what, what do you want
(Erm we just had a compliant) piss off
(from a very valued client) I said piss off
(standing result I'm revoking your membership)
shut up I don't care
this is a crap gym
it doesn't work, how do I know it works
I'm still fat, why am I still fat
It's a s*** gym

I got a baby mum and a lovely little son
lovely boy but his is mum is very very dumb
I was very very drunk, told her lot of secrets
Very very drunk, told her not to keep it
Anyway she had it, sorry had him, Darren
His grandmother Karen, wanted to call him Gavin
But I didn't have it, I was working at Maplin
Gavin was my manager and I wanted to slap him
Cause he wanted to sack me, Cause I wanted to stab him
Cause my girl liked him and she wanted to shag him
He's a bit bigger but I know I could have him
At a matter of fact he kinda looks like Darren
I still got sacked and this is how it happened

Some Nigerian guy called Tunde
Who told me to call him Thomas for short
Walked into the store said he wanted to talk
At first I wasn't sure, but because he was nice to me
And he kinda showed me his nine
He bought a lot of stuff and he told me to swipe
But this is a woman's card (shut up it's for my wife)
He would come in like every fort night
And buy the same Ipod 4 times
Apparently he was doing the same thing with Tarke
Who told the police my name when it happened (It was Jason)

(Hello Jason)what (where from the metropolitan police pro department) Police
(Were like ask you) (excuse me)
Listen go away man I don't want to get arrested
I wanna rest (look) I wanna sleep (Your coming with me)
All my little brothers smokes weed come arrest them or they'll do murder

Bed
I can sleep till the world ends
I ain't in a rush for a girlfriend
All I ever do is fail them
Cause all I ever do is tell them the true
If your fat your fat b**** ain't nothing wrong with that
Don't switch I'm just telling you a fact
do you think your thin
(Well no)
Well then
(I hate you)
I abuse most of them
I think that's how I lose most of them
I don't want to get to close to them
After what happened to Elton in school
Elton was cool
But he had a girlfriend that didn't want to do things he wanted to do (I said no)
She said no but he went ahead and felt her (Get off me)
I think he's just coming out of Felter

My last girl was a wanna be wag (Hi)
Who went everywhere in a cab
I told her I'm rich
She took me to Harod
And picked up this gucci bag
Worth a grand
I went quite like words from my gran
Cause that's too much to spend on a slag
I mean that's too much to spend on a bag
As soon as we got to the till I ran (Where you going)

Then my mobile rang (Ello)
It was my first love ann (Hi Jason)
She said she split up with her man (He's gone)
And she's in need of a bang (Come round)
I'll be on a bus in a minute
She said "you better not buss in a minute"
I got prank and rushed to the chemist
Excuse me have you got anything for a man that ejaculates premature (Oh Yes)
He took me to the back of the store
He gave me a spray what's this for
(Put a little on the top just before)

Got to her house clock says 4
She's worn out I'm wanting more
Cause she's sore she went down south
And I think she's saying she can't feel her mouth
Oi Anna speak loud
Are you saying you cant feel your mouth
Are you saying where is this mouse
What you want me to take your couch
Look if you want to kiss me, out
That's when she kicked me ouch
I think she's trying to kick me out
Just tell me if you wanna get me out I'm gone<br />
			     <br />
			     Thanks to razvan

                          Thanks to leno for correcting these lyrics