Stanley Holloway - Albert And The Lion lyrics
rate meThere's a famous seaside place called Blackpool<br />
That's noted for fresh air and fun<br />
And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom<br />
Went there with young Albert, their son.<br />
A fine little lad were young Albert,<br />
All dressed in his best, quite a swell.<br />
He'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle;<br />
The finest that Woolworth's could sell.<br />
They didn't think much to the ocean,<br />
The waves they were piddlin' and small.<br />
There were no wrecks and nobody drownded,<br />
'Fact, nothin' to laugh at at all!<br />
So, seeking for further amusement,<br />
They paid, and went into the zoo,<br />
Where they'd lions and tigers and camels<br />
And cold ale and sandwiches, too.<br />
There were one great big lion called Wallace<br />
Whose nose was all covered with scars;<br />
He lay in a som-no-lent posture<br />
With the side of 'is face on the bars.<br />
Now Albert 'ad 'eard about lions-<br />
'Ow they was ferocious and wild;<br />
To see lion lyin' so peaceful<br />
Just didn't seem right to the child.<br />
So straightway the brave little feller,<br />
Not showin' a morsel of fear,<br />
Took 'is stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle<br />
And stuck it in Wallace's ear.<br />
You could see that the lion din't like it,<br />
For givin' a kind of a roll,<br />
'E pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im<br />
And swallered the little lad - 'ole!<br />
Now Mother 'ad seen this occurrence,<br />
And not knowin' what to do next,<br />
She 'ollered "Yon lion's et Albert!"<br />
An' Father said "Ee, I am vexed."<br />
They complained to an animal keeper<br />
Who said "My, wot a nasty mis'ap;<br />
Are you sure it's your boy 'e's eaten?"<br />
Pa said, "Am I sure? There's 'is cap!"<br />
The manager 'ad to be sent for;<br />
'E came and 'e said "Wot's to-do?"<br />
Ma said "Yon lion's et Albert,<br />
And 'im in 'is Sunday clothes, too!"<br />
Father said "Right's right, young feller-<br />
I think it's a shame and a sin<br />
To 'ave our son et by a lion<br />
And after we paid to come in."<br />
The manager wanted no trouble;<br />
He took out his purse right away,<br />
Sayin' "'Ow much to settle the matter?"<br />
Pa said "Wot do you usually pay?"<br />
But Mother 'ad turned a bit awkward<br />
When she saw where 'er Albert 'ad gone.<br />
She said "No, someone's got to be summonsed!"<br />
So that was decided upon.<br />
And off they all went to p'lice station<br />
In front of a Magistrate chap;<br />
They told what 'ad 'appened to Albert<br />
And proved it by showing 'is cap.<br />
The Magistrate gave 'is opinion<br />
That no one was really to blame,<br />
And 'e said that 'e 'oped the Ramsbottoms<br />
Would 'ave further sons to their name.<br />
At that Mother got proper blazin':<br />
"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she-<br />
"Wot, spend all our lives raisin' children<br />
To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"