Stanley Holloway - Albert And The Lion lyrics

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There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool<br />

That's noted for fresh air and fun<br />

And Mr. and Mrs. Ramsbottom<br />

Went there with young Albert, their son.<br />

A fine little lad were young Albert,<br />

All dressed in his best, quite a swell.<br />

He'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle;<br />

The finest that Woolworth's could sell.<br />

They didn't think much to the ocean,<br />

The waves they were piddlin' and small.<br />

There were no wrecks and nobody drownded,<br />

'Fact, nothin' to laugh at at all!<br />

So, seeking for further amusement,<br />

They paid, and went into the zoo,<br />

Where they'd lions and tigers and camels<br />

And cold ale and sandwiches, too.<br />

There were one great big lion called Wallace<br />

Whose nose was all covered with scars;<br />

He lay in a som-no-lent posture<br />

With the side of 'is face on the bars.<br />

Now Albert 'ad 'eard about lions-<br />

'Ow they was ferocious and wild;<br />

To see lion lyin' so peaceful<br />

Just didn't seem right to the child.<br />

So straightway the brave little feller,<br />

Not showin' a morsel of fear,<br />

Took 'is stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle<br />

And stuck it in Wallace's ear.<br />

You could see that the lion din't like it,<br />

For givin' a kind of a roll,<br />

'E pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im<br />

And swallered the little lad - 'ole!<br />

Now Mother 'ad seen this occurrence,<br />

And not knowin' what to do next,<br />

She 'ollered "Yon lion's et Albert!"<br />

An' Father said "Ee, I am vexed."<br />

They complained to an animal keeper<br />

Who said "My, wot a nasty mis'ap;<br />

Are you sure it's your boy 'e's eaten?"<br />

Pa said, "Am I sure? There's 'is cap!"<br />

The manager 'ad to be sent for;<br />

'E came and 'e said "Wot's to-do?"<br />

Ma said "Yon lion's et Albert,<br />

And 'im in 'is Sunday clothes, too!"<br />

Father said "Right's right, young feller-<br />

I think it's a shame and a sin<br />

To 'ave our son et by a lion<br />

And after we paid to come in."<br />

The manager wanted no trouble;<br />

He took out his purse right away,<br />

Sayin' "'Ow much to settle the matter?"<br />

Pa said "Wot do you usually pay?"<br />

But Mother 'ad turned a bit awkward<br />

When she saw where 'er Albert 'ad gone.<br />

She said "No, someone's got to be summonsed!"<br />

So that was decided upon.<br />

And off they all went to p'lice station<br />

In front of a Magistrate chap;<br />

They told what 'ad 'appened to Albert<br />

And proved it by showing 'is cap.<br />

The Magistrate gave 'is opinion<br />

That no one was really to blame,<br />

And 'e said that 'e 'oped the Ramsbottoms<br />

Would 'ave further sons to their name.<br />

At that Mother got proper blazin':<br />

"And thank you, sir, kindly," said she-<br />

"Wot, spend all our lives raisin' children<br />

To feed ruddy lions? Not me!"