Ray Stevens - The Haircut Song lyrics

rate me

When you get a haircut, be sure to go back home

When you get a haircut, get a barber you have known

Since you were a little bitty boy sittin' in a booster

chair

Or you might look like Larry, Moe or Curly if a

stranger cuts your hair

Well, Butte, Montana just a'passin' through, one thing

I just had to do

Had to get a haircut and I was worried for my hair

I had a feeling of impending doom the minute I stepped

into that room

And laid my eyes upon that barber chair

It was a macho barber shop. Hair dryers were mounted on

a rifle rack.

Wasn’t no mirrors. The barber chair was a Peterbilt...

Barber walked in;

he was huge, seven feet tall, three hundred pounds of

spring steel and

rawhide. Wearin' a hard hat, chewin' a cigar, had a t-

shirt on -- said,

I hate musicians. Threw me in the chair, sneered and

said, What'll it

be pal? Now a lot of people would be intimidated in a

situation like

this...I was not. I am what I am, play my piano, and

sing my little

songs. I looked him right in the eye and I said, I'm a

logger - just up

from Coos Bay, Oregon. Been toppin' trees - quite

possibly the toughest

man in the entire world. He said, All right! he gave me

a haircut and

I walked out of there friends, my hair was gone! Made

Kojak look like

Bill Golden. Yeah, had a tremendous craving to operate

heavy equipment.

Now, you may think that Butte, Montana haircut's the

worst any man could

ever get...Wrong!

Well, a few months later I was in LA, truckin along on

a smoggy day

I needed a haircut so bad I looked like Bozo the Clown

I was looking shaggy, not too good, I'd put it off as

long as I could

And Lord, I hate to get a haircut out of town

Well, I walked in immediately and realized immediately

that this guy was

into punk rock. The walls were done in black leather.

Had chains and

whips and handcuffs hanging on me. Barber walked in, he

had orange hair.

Black mascara. Stainless steel teeth. Black leather

jacket with zinc

studs. He threw me in the chair, hit me a couple times

- whap, whap -

chained me down, threw a Nazi flag over me. Said, I'm

going to tell you

something that might make you a little nervous. I

laughed. Ha ha

ha... I said, What could possibly make me nervous? He

said, I'm

gay. Nooo problem. I'm not threatened in any way. I

mean, I'm secure in

my manhood, everything is cool I am what I am, play my

little piano,

sing my little songs. I looked him right in the eye. I

said, I'm a

logger. Played football in high school. I was in the

Marine Corps. He

said All right and he gave me a haircut. I walked out

of there,

friends, my hair was purple. Well, at least that Mohawk

section down the

middle was purple. Had a white streak down one side...

other side looked

like Mr. T. Had a couple safety pins in my cheeks. Felt

a teeeny bit

conspicuous. Luckily, my next job was in San Fransisco.

Shoot, I got

there and I didn't even stand out at all. Wasn't even

close! Those

people thought I was an insurance salesman!

Well, a few months later, I was way down south, grits

and gravy and hush

your mouth

Hair so long I'm startin' to look like a man in drag

It was then that the sheriff walked up and said, Boy,

you got too much

hair on your head...

You better get yourself a haircut or a dog tag!

Well, when I stepped into the shop, I realized

immediately that I was

dealing with a born-again barber. Don't see too many

barber shops with a

steeple, had an organ in the corner, a choir. An usher

led me to the

barber chair. Barber walked in, started saying grace,

Oh Lord, for

these haircuts we are about to receive, may we be truly

thankful.

Dominus possum pax probiscus, post mortem, et tu brute,

puella

carborundum. He was sorta half-Baptist, half-

Catholic... kind of a

Cathtist. He started cuttin' my hair and preachin' at

the same time. I

mean he's a wild man, scissors and razors a'flyin'

around my head, he's

talkin'about the liquor and wild women and music and

sex and the evils

of dancing and the music business in general. Then he

looked down at me

and he said, What do you do for a living? Now, I'm not

ashamed of what

I do for a livin'. Workin' bars and casinos, around

liquor and wild

women, I just play my piano, sing my little songs. I

looked him right in

the eye and I said, I run this church for loggers...

When you get a haircut, be sure to go back home

When you get a haircut, get a barber you have known

Since you were a little bitty boy sittin' in a booster

chair

Or you might look like Larry, Moe or Curly if a

stranger cuts your hair