<br>
Henry Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter, <br>
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered. <br>
By law she should be taken out and hung, <br>
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue. <br>
Eliza Aaoooww! Henry imitating her Aaoooww! <br>
Heaven's! What a noise! <br>
This is what the British population, <br>
Calls an elementary education. Pickering Oh, <br>
Counsel, I think you picked a poor example. Henry Did I? <br>
Hear them down in Soho square, <br>
Dropping "h's" everywhere. <br>
Speaking English anyway they like. <br>
You sir, did you go to school? <br>
Man Wadaya tike me for, a fool? <br>
Henry No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike! <br>
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak? <br>
This verbal class distinction, by now, <br>
Should be antique. If you spoke as she does, sir, <br>
Instead of the way you do, <br>
Why, you might be selling flowers, too! <br>
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse, <br>
Hear a Cornishman converse, <br>
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat.<br>
Chickens cackling in a barn Just like this one! <br>
Eliza Garn! Henry I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that? <br>
It's "Aoooow" and "Garn" that keep her in her place. <br>
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face.<br>
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak? <br>
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique. <br>
If you spoke as she does, sir, Instead of the way you do, <br>
Why, you might be selling flowers, too. <br>
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him, <br>
The moment he talks he makes some other <br>
Englishman despise him.<br>
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get. <br>
Oh, why can't the English learn to set <br>
A good example to people whose <br>
English is painful to your ears? <br>
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears. <br>
There even are places where English completely<br>
disappears. In America, they haven't used it for years! <br>
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak? <br>
Norwegians learn Norwegian; the Greeks have taught their <br>
Greek. In France every Frenchman knows <br>
his language fro "A" to "Zed" <br>
The French never care what they do, actually, <br>
as long as they pronounce in properly. <br>
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning. <br>
And Hebrews learn it backwards, <br>
which is absolutely frightening. <br>
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak. <br>
Why can't the English,<br>
Why can't the English learn to speak?<br>
 <br>