Leary, Dennis - Asshole lyrics
rate meFolks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream<br />
About me, about you<br />
The way our American hearts beat down<br />
In the bottom of our chests<br />
<br />
About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts<br />
Maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area<br />
Maybe in the liver, maybe in the kidneys<br />
Maybe even in the colon, we don't know<br />
<br />
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job<br />
I'm your average white suburbanite slob<br />
I like football and porno and books about war<br />
I've got an average house with a nic hardwood floor<br />
My wife and my job, my kids and my car<br />
My feet on my table and a Cuban cigar<br />
<br />
But sometimes that just ain't enough<br />
To keep a man like me interested<br />
(Oh no)<br />
No way<br />
No, I've gotta go out and have fun<br />
At someone else's expense<br />
(Oh yeah)<br />
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah<br />
<br />
I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane<br />
While people behind me are going insane<br />
<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's an asshole, such an asshole)<br />
<br />
I use public toilets and piss on the seat<br />
I walk around in the summertime saying<br />
"How about this heat?"<br />
<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's the world's biggest asshole)<br />
<br />
Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces<br />
While handicapped people make handicapped faces<br />
<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's a real fucking asshole)<br />
<br />
Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song<br />
Ranting and raving and carrying on<br />
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong<br />
<br />
Nah!<br />
<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's the world's biggest asshole)<br />
<br />
You know what I'm gonna do?<br />
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible<br />
Hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior<br />
And big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah!<br />
<br />
And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115 mph<br />
Getting one mile per gallon, sucking down<br />
Quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's<br />
In the old-fashioned non-biodegradable Styrofoam containers<br />
<br />
And when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers<br />
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag<br />
And then I'm gonna toss the Styrofoam container<br />
Right out the side and there ain't a goddamned thing<br />
Anybody can do about it, you know why?<br />
Because we got the bombs, that's why<br />
<br />
Two words, nuclear fucking weapons, okay<br />
Russia, Germany, Romania<br />
They can have all the democracy they want<br />
They can have a big democracy cake-walk right through the middle<br />
Of Tienanmen square and it won't make a lick of difference<br />
Because we've got the bombs, okay<br />
<br />
John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen<br />
And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out<br />
The duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off<br />
You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower?<br />
Well multiple that by 15 million times, that's how pissed off<br />
The Duke's gonna be<br />
I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes<br />
<br />
(Hey)<br />
And Lee Marvin<br />
(Hey)<br />
And Sam Peckinpah<br />
(Hey)<br />
And a case of Whiskey and drive down to Texas<br />
(Hey, you know you really are an asshole)<br />
Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song, pal<br />
<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's an asshole, what an asshole)<br />
I'm an asshole<br />
(He's the world's biggest asshole)<br />
<br />
A S S H O L E<br />
Everybody<br />
A S S H O L E<br />
<br />
I'm an asshole and proud of it
