J'SON - Secrets lyrics
rate meFt. J.R.
(Intro)
Hello, Jessica, it's nice to see you again
Hi, Jason, very nice to meet you
I'm doctor Ptah, I know this is your first time joining us
But I feel that it's very important for you to hear what Jessica has been through
I will like to thank you both for allowing me to
Participate in this journey with you
So if you all don't mind, I will like to start this journey off with Jessica
And Jessica, if you could, speak for the little girl inside of you
How would that little girl tell that story?
(Chorus)
Who do ya think you are to take what wasn't yours?
The innocence I once adored was stripped away behind closed doors
The enemies inside my home, but who would eva listen to me?!
And all the secrets that you made me keep
(Verse)
It rains on the window paint, darkness surrounding me
Footsteps outside my door, right now I'm sound asleep
The door opens slowly and I can hear it slightly
But I don't move o' even look to see who it might be
Someone's next to me, their weight is on my bed
The cover's pullin' back, a hand is on my leg
I want to sneak and peak but I just can't seem to let myself
Is my father checking me? I'm 9 and I'm often wet myself
I have no options, forgot me grip the even mood
Supposed to protect but abusin' me, now I'm so confused
So many emotions with his sweat dripping
I lay there motionless hoping this night might soon to be ova with
Holdin' back cries, my mind is racin', closed eyes like I'm not awaken
I'd rather die than be in this situation as he leaves
I know the secret I buried and hide
But hidin' this secret I just seem to be buried alive
(Chorus)
Who do ya think you are to take what wasn't yours?
The innocence I once adored was stripped away behind closed doors
The enemies inside my home, but who would eva listen to me?!
And all the secrets that you made me keep
And it's tearin' me apart, it's tearin' me apart
It's tearin' me apart, it's tearin' me apart
(Verse 2)
I'm older, on my own now, I'm grown now
But the secrets still won't leave me alone now
Why I felt my innocence melt away
Was livin' promiscuous really givin' myself away?
Why would I protect ya? Truth I would hide and cover
Would anyone believe me? How could I tell my mother?!
Confusion turned to sadness, sadness led to me stressin'
Stressing led to the anger, anger led to depression
Then I was arrested by a truth that would truly free me
The gospel gripped my heart, shown me how the father see me
Biblical counselin', brothers and sisters in my list
Help me endure it tho it happened, I'll neva forget
But I do have a hope, that I do truly know
In heaven every memory will be whiter in snow
So though I struggle to forgive you, I fight cuz I must
I must forgive ya cuz I know he's forgiven me much
(Interlude)
Wow, thank you, Jessica, for opening and sharing that
I know that it was so hard for you to return to that dark place
But with God's Grace we are goin' to make it through this
Now Jason, after hearing that, I would like for you to tell Jessica
How that makes you feel
It makes me feel helpless, like as your husband
It's nothing I could do to be there for you
I wish that I could just go back to that moment and protect you
I know I'll neva be able to do that
And it breaks my heart, it breaks my heart
Now Jessica, how do you feel about Jason?
I love Jason, I love him with all my heart
You know what? What I'd like for you to do is turn to your husband
And tell Jason how do you feel about him
Baby, I love you! I love you so much!
You're the best man I know, and the way you give
Selflessly, it kills me to know that you're hurtin' in there
And that I can't fully give myself to you
But, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry...
Now, if it's ok, I'd like to shift the focus to Jason
Jason, sit back, I need you to relax
If you both would take a deep breath
And Jason, close your eyes
And... tell Jessica how what you all have been going through
How it has affected you
(Verse 3)
Helplessness is such a sad feeling
With flesh I feel what my other half's feelin'
Second victim, but listen
I feel like I'm the man on the side of the man on her side
It's a difference, but what it's like to look the love of your life
Inside of a face and all you're seein' is hopelessness
When I kiss, touch you, hug you, but
The most intimate moments just remind the brokenness?
I feel so pushed away, I know it sound so silly
So I take my feelings and bury them, it ain't about me really
But it's about me willing face it when that
Pain so deep, I'm starting to feel I can taste it
Hurts the more I'm concealing it
Hearing these Christian slogans, nobody knows what I'm dealing with
But I'm hearin' this, look, the future's in my eyes
I can see the secret deep inside
I can't hide
(Pre-Chorus)
That's the other part of me, she's not a victim alone
I wish I could erase her tears
But I need someone to drive me young
I know this ain't about me, don't make this thing about me
But please, I hope you're hearin' me
It's been deep in my heart
I live life in the dark
(Chorus 2)
It's tearin' me apart
Oh oh oh
Tearin' me apart
It's tearin' me apart
Oh oh oh
Tearin' me apart
It's tearin' me apart
Oh oh oh
Tearin' me apart
It's tearin' me apart
Oh oh oh
Tearin' me apart
(Verse 4)
Real talk, a villain like Uncle Murk do
Hurt her and I hurt you
Lord, forgive me, I dunno what's gettin' into me mentally
It's the enemy, yah! So many questions without answers
You canked up in the present or in the past?
Seems like nobody understands
I can't protect her, I'm feelin' less than a man
Not feelin' just like I am, there's no way to console her
Cuz this is between us, will we be any closer?
I just want what we have, now will we get any closure?
I wanna stay behind em, there's so much weight on my shoulders
Wait! Who am I to really think that I make her complete?
Where is the savior who has promised to offer us peace?
Jehovah offer life that can't be any realer
So I (?) in your grace You would come and heal her and me
Because
(Pre-Chorus)
That's the other part of me, she's not a victim alone
I wish I could erase her tears
But I need someone to drive me young
I know this ain't about me, don't make this thing about me
But please, I hope you're hearin' me
It's been deep in my heart
I live life in the dark
(Chorus 2)
It's tearin' me apart
Oh oh oh
Tearin' me apart
It's tearin' me apart
Oh oh oh
Tearin' me apart
It's tearin' me apart
Oh oh oh
Tearin' me apart
It's tearin' me apart
Oh oh oh
Tearin' me apart
(Interlude)
Ok, now, Jason, open your eyes
Hmm, Jason, I appreciate your honesty
I want you to know those are perfectly normal feelings and emotions
[...]
