Jon Lajoie - Listening To My Penis lyrics

rate me

I have to stop listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

I should be studying and I'm working hard

My future depends on this bizarre?

Why am I standing in this noisy club

Where people i hate what the fuck

It doesn't make sense, I hate this place

12 dollar drinks and a shitty DJ

Obnoxious douchebags and easy girls

Oh yeah, that's why I'm here, the easy girls

I can't believe that it has come to this

Do all this just to come is ridiculous

I know I sound sexist, but I'm a feminist

But the problem my dick is a Nelligan

When it comes to arguments, he always wins

Rationality can not compete with orgasms

I lost my train of thought, this girl's so hot

Oh here I go again, I have to stop

Listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

I hate this girl, why am I talking to her?

She's a horrible person but my mind's a blur

She's wearing a skirt and a push-up bra

God damn her and that push-up bra

My mind keeps telling me to walk away

"Jon, just go home and masturbate

Don't waste your money and your time

with this really ditzy girl

that you don't even like"

But my dick is like "Hey! I'm here to stay!

You're gonna do as I say! First get her drunk

It will be easier. And if she wants to dance

Then fucking dance with her"

But I hate this music and I hate dancing

And there's no way I can afford all these drinks

"Hey! Do what you have to do to get me inside!

You know very well you won't win this fight"

So five minutes later I'm on the dance floor

Dancing to Kesha and I hate that hoe

And I hate myself and I hate my cock

It's hard as a rock and I have to stop

Listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

Stumble out of the bar, it's 2 in the morning

Dead on the inside but still horny

So I try to get this girl back to her place

But she says she's hungry so I have to wait

Now I'm in a diner, it's almost 3

She's talking about her captive reality tv

I really should just go home and get some sleep

but the goddamn cleavage is staring right at me

And I just wanna spend a little time in there

which reminds me of a quote by Voltaire

Anything too stupid to spoken is sung

And I have been singing a lot since I have begun

Listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

So I'm back at her place 4 AM, finally play time begins

All my hard work is about to pay off

But all of a sudden there is a knock on her door

She starts to freak out

She tells me she thought her boyfriend was out of town

He kicks the door down, I jump out the window

I didn't even have the time to grab my clothes

So I'm running like a motherfucker down the street

Fully erect and still horny

I finally give in, this has to stop

So I hide in some bushes and I start to jerk off

I'm almost done when I see flashing lights

A squad car just appears out of the night

I try to run and that's when I cum

Surrounded by cops at the break of dawn

See, this is what happens when you listen to your dick

You become an irrational insane prick

Now I'm sitting the cell, ashamed and naked

How the fuck am I gonna explain this to my wife and kid?

Listening to my penis

Listening to my penis

I swear I would be a genius If I stop listening to my penis

Thanks to mr.Fletcher for correcting these lyrics

Thanks to JFR for correcting these lyrics

Thanks to Will;D for correcting these lyrics