Oh what have you done with your life 
Oh please don't tell me 
Just shut up and go to work 
Cause you're interrupting me 

I won't represent the U.S. 
In the summer olympics 
My character's questionable 
My life is a broken record 

CHORUS: 
I'm shredding the document 
I'm keeping my mouth shut 
I'm running on radio silence 
I'm letting the record speak 
I'm shredding the document 
The switchboard is lighting up 
I'm not taking anymore calls 
Well maybe from larry King 

And I don't know who killed who 
I'm having a sex change 
To a woman who loves too much 
My sister's a petty thief 

I doctored the evidence 
Yeah it was a cover up 
I want to stay wrapped in my blanket 
And never get out of bed 

REPEAT CHORUS 

All rumor and innuendo 
An Eagles reunion 
The 20th century's closing 
It's closing in on me 

You know what my father said 
Well I'm not going to tell you 
Some words that I try to live by 
It's none of your goddamn business 

REPEAT CHORUS 

I'm shredding the document 
The switchboard is lighting up 
I'm not taking anymore calls 
Well maybe from Oprah Winfrey