Ivor Bigun - I'm A Wanker lyrics

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<b>I'm A Wanker</b> by <i>Ivor Bigun</i><br />

My mother said

that I never should

never play with the naughty rude girls in the wood

Their giggling talk I could never understood

And thats why I fell in love with my right hand

(Chorus)

And thats why

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

And does me good like it bloody well should

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

And I'm always pulling my pudd

I was 25 years old

before I was kissed

and then I found that I prefered

a swift one off the wrist

Its cheap and convenient

and you cant catch VD

Its avalible at anytime and its absolutly free

(Chorus)

And thats why

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

And it does me good like it bloody well should

I'm wanker

I'm a wanker

and I'm always pulling my pudd

Oh Mrs Palm

and your 5 lovely daughters

Thank you for having me

and being oh so kind

I've pains in my arms

and my dong growing shorter

My knees have turned to water

And I think I'm going blind

I've wanked over Italy

I've wanked over Spain

I've wanked in an omibus

I've even had a wank in a train

I've used a badger

and a melon

and a cat

a inflatable Linda Lovelace

and a David Crocket hat

(Chorus)

And thats why

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

and it does me good like it bloody well should

I'm a wanker

I'm a wanker

and im always pulling my pudd

Oh Mrs Palm

and your 5 lovely daughters

Thank you for having me

and being oh so kind

I've pains in my arms

and my dong growing shorter

My knees have turned to water

And I think I'm going blind

Thanks to Turn for correcting these lyrics