ELVIS COSTELLO - The Night Before Larry Was Stretched lyrics

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The Night Before Larry Was Stretched

Oh, the night before Larry was stretched

Well the boys they all paid him a visit

A bit in their sacks too they fetched

For they sweated their duds till they ris' it

For Larry was always the lad

When a boy was condemned to the Squeezer

Would fence all the duds that he had

For to help his poor friend to a sneezer--

-- And warm his ol' gob 'fore he died

Well the boys they came crowding in fast

And they threw all their stools 'round about him

Six glims round his trap-case was placed

For he couldn't be well-waked without them

When one of them asked, "Could he die

Without having duly repented?"

Said Larry, "That's all in me eye

And first by the clergy invented--

--For to get a fat bit for themselves"

"Oh and I'll be cut up like a pie:

And me nob from me body be parted.

You're in the wrong box, then, says I,

For blast me if they're so hard-hearted

"A chalk on the back of your neck

Is all that Jack Catch dares to give you

Then mind not such trifle's affect

Oh why should the likes of them grieve you?--

--And now boys, come tip us the deck."

Well the cards being called for they played

Until Larry found one of them cheated

A point in his napper was made

For the boy he'd been easily heated

"Oh, hold me the hokey, you thief!

I'll scuttle your knob with me dodle!

You cheat me because I'm in grief

Ah, but soon I'll demolish your noddle--

--And leave you your claret to drink"

Then the clergy came in with his book

And he spoke him so smooth and so civil

Larry tipped him kill-sour look

And he pitched his big wig to the devil

Then sighing he threw back his head

For to get a sweet drop of the bottle

And dutiful sighing he said,

"Oh the hempt 'twill be soon 'round me throttle--

--And choke me poor windpipe to death.

"Oh then sure it's the best way to die

Oh the dead are no better the living

For now when the gallows is high

Our journey is shorter to heaven."

But what harasses Larry the most

And makes his soul poor melancholy

Is he thinks of the time when his ghost

It will come in a sheet to Sweet Molly--

--"Oh sure, it'll kill her alive"

So moving, these last words he spoke

We all vented our tears in a shower

For me own part I thought me heart broke

For to see him cut down like a flower

On his travels we watched him next day

The throttler I thought I could kill him

But Larry not one word did say

Nor change did he come to King William--

--And then did his color grow white.

When he came to the old Dublin Chit

He was tucked up so neat and so pretty

The rumbler jugged off from his feet

And he died with his face to the city

He kicked too, but that was all pride

For soon you might see 'twas all over

Soon after the noose was untied

In darkness we waked him in clover--

--And sent him to take his ground sweat

Oh, the night before Larry was stretched

Well the boys they all paid him a visit

A bit in their sacks too they fetched

For they sweated their duds till they ris' it

For Larry was always the lad

When a boy was condemned to the Squeezer

Would fence all the duds that he had

For to help his poor friend to a sneezer--

--And warm his ol' gob 'fore he died

--And warm his ol' gob 'fore he died