BLOODHOUND GANG - A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is lyrics

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I was lonelier than kunta kinte at a merle haggard concert<br>That night I strolled on into uncle limpy's hump palace lookin' for love.<br>It had been a while.<br>In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went<br>Since that midnight run haulin' hog to shakey town on i-10.<br>I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons<br>Through a pair of daisy duke cut-offs and one of those fruit of the loom tank-tops.<br>Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,<br>Milky white skin and baby blue eyes.<br>Name was russell.<br><br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br>Well I find it's quite a thrill<br>When she grinds me against her will<br>Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br><br>Well, faster than you can say, shallow grave,<br>This pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls<br>Like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.<br>Said her name was bambi and I said, well that's a coincidence darlin',<br>¡®cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer.<br>Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a jack-o-lantern,<br>And I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask<br>As I do my little kooky dance.<br>And then she told me to shush.<br>I guess she could sense my desperation.<br>¡®course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like minnie pearl.<br><br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br>Well I find it's quite a thrill<br>When she grinds me against her will<br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br><br>So, bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.<br>So I says, even this one I have where jesus christ<br>Is jackhammering mickey mouse in the doo-doo hole<br>With a lawn dart as garth brooks gives birth to something<br>Resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on santa claus's tummy-tum? <br>Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later<br>I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.<br>Got to nail her back at her trailer.<br>Heh. that rhymes.<br>I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on<br>When I found out she was doin' me to buy baby formula.<br><br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br>Well I find it's quite a thrill<br>When she grinds me against her will<br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br><br>Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,<br>Gave the tranny a spin and slid on into<br>The stinky pinky gulp n' guzzle big rig snooze-a-stop.<br>There I was browsin' through the latest issue of throb,<br>When I saw bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton.<br>Well, my heart just dropped.<br>So, I decided to do what any good christian would.<br>You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice<br>And polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five<br>In an eighteen-wheeler.<br>I never thought missing children could be so sexy.<br>Did I say that out loud? <br><br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'<br>Well I find it's quite a thrill<br>When she grinds me against her will<br>Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'