Beaches movie - Otto Tisling lyrics

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Song by Bette Midler<br /><br>

"This next story is a true story. <br>

It concerns two of my favorite subjects: <br>

industrial theft . . . and-a t-ts! <br>

Mmm, what a combo! This is the story . . . <br>

The inventor of the modern foundation garment <br>

that we women wear today was a German scientist <br>

and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling! <br>

This is a true story. <br>

His name was Otto Titsling. <br>

What happened to Otto Titsling shouldn't happen to a schnauzer. <br>

It's a very sad story. I feel I have to share it with you."<br>

<br>

Otto Titsling, inventor and kraut,<br>

had nothing to get very worked up about.<br>

His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.<br>

He fled to the opera at least twice a week.<br>

<br>

One night at the opera he saw an Aida<br>

who's t-ts were so big they would often impede her.<br>

Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,<br>

done in by the weight of those terrible t-ts.<br>

<br>

Oh, my god! There she blows!<br>

Aerodynamically this bitch was a mess.<br>

Otto eyeballed the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,<br>

and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration<br>

flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!<br>

He ran back to his workshop<br>

where he futzed and futzed and futzed.<br>

<br>

For Otto Titsling had found his quest:<br>

to lift and mold the female breast;<br>

to point the small ones to the sky;<br>

to keep the big ones high and dry!<br>

<br>

Every night he'd sweat and snort<br>

searching for the right support.<br>

He tried some string and paper clips.<br>

Hey! He even tried his own two lips!<br>

<br>

Well, he stitched and he slaved<br>

and he slaved and he stitched<br>

until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,<br>

Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.<br>

Yes! He had invented the worlds first<br>

over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Hooray!<br>

<br>

Exhausted but ecstatic he ran<br>

down the street to the diva's house<br>

bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.<br>

Now, the diva did not want to try the darn thing on.<br>

But, after many initial misgivings,<br>

she finally did.<br>

And the sigh of relief that issued forth<br>

from the diva's mouth<br>

was so loud that it was mistaken by some<br>

to be the early onset of the Siroccan Winds<br>

which would often roll through the Schwarzwald<br>

with a vengeance!<br>

Ahhhhh-i!<br>

<br>

But little did Otto know,<br>

at the moment of his greatest triumph,<br>

lurking under the diva's bed<br>

was none other than the very worst<br>

of the French patent thieves,<br>

Philippe DeBrassiere.<br>

And Phil was watching the scene<br>

with a great deal of interest!<br>

<br>

Later that night, while our Brun Hilda slept,<br>

into the wardrobe Philippe softly crept.<br>

He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,<br>

'til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.<br>

<br>

Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!<br>

I'm gonna make me a million from this!<br>

Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.<br>

I can have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."<br>

<br>

"Oh, thank you!"<br>

<br>

The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:<br>

Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?<br>

<br>

"Ohhh! Thank you!"<br>

<br>