Horrible Histories - Evil Roman Emperors (Bad) lyrics

rate me

My name is Caligula

A rotten, Roman pig-ula

If you told me a fib-ula

I'd hack your hands to stumps!

One time, I killed a priest

Who'd come to sacrifice a beast

You'd think it's sad that he's deceased

We all laughed like chumps!

I'm very hairy, but take note

If you so much as whisper 'Goat!'

With an iron rod you will be smoked

In a good mood today, so I won't slit your throat!

I'm bad! He's bad!

A shameless rotten cad!

Do you still have limbs since meeting me?

Then I guess you should be glad!

Your nastiness was fabulous

But my name's Elagabalus

And I was far, far worse

Just listen to my verse

I was quite notorious

For catapaulting venomous

Snakes at Rome's enormous

Crowds, oh, how they fled

If you won a lottery prize

I'd give you these dead dogs and flies

My house guests got a nice surprise

A lion in their bed!

You'd think to children, I'd be cuter

No, I was their biggest executor

Used their guts to read the future

Says here I should get a job as a school tutor!

I'm bad! He's bad!

Could argue I was sad!

Hated through our empire

From Great Britain to Baghdad!

Afraid your claim is bogus

'Cause my name is Commodus

And no one else could be

A worse emperor than me

There never was a greater

Pretend gladiator

If the booing got too loud

Made the lions fight the crowd

Just one man was greater

Julius Alexander

So I killed him, see

'Cause I'm the emperor, me

I'm bad! He's bad!

My actions truly rad!

You only got the emperor job

'Cause you were chosen by your dad!

To me, you all score zero

My name is Emperor Nero

Evil men you're not

I'm the worstest of the lot!

My rule was full of fear-o

Yes, men from far and near-o

Called me a fighting hero

Or I would have them slayed!

Changed the Olympic season

So the medals went to me, son

Burned Christians for no reason

Just a fun game I played, you know

Poisoned my stepbrother

Ordered men to kill my mother

Tried to drown her but she fled

So I had her stabbed instead

Wait! There's more!

With my first wife, dear Octavia

I showed truly bad behaviour

Chopped her head off, gave it to

My girlfriend who I then killed too

I'm bad! So baddy!

Of badness, I'm the daddy!

Come on, I want to see

A more evil bloke than me!

You're bad! Real bad!

Nothing more to add!

We all thought that we were awful

But you were really, truly mad!

I'm the baddest emperor the Romans ever had.