What went wrong today? Everything is so controlled<br />
Ideals were abraded by reason<br />
Impotent dreams on an overcast day<br />
Out of the depths I have cried and no one has heard<br />
Gods and heroes and imaginary companions<br />
Unrequited promises no longer suffice<br />
Rhythm to repetition, perseverance to insanity<br />
Just because you're alive doesn't mean others should want you<br />
<br />
Knowledge is temptation, I repulse myself<br />
On the borderline between neurosis and psychosis<br />
Dissecting my actions instead of being in the present<br />
I dissociated my fear and allowed it to advise me<br />
<br />
I am not a messiah, I am a man in trouble<br />
An unbearable waste with no excuse<br />
Pathetic and scared by grotesque loneliness<br />
Morality wasted in isolation<br />
<br />
Tomorrow's smile never comes for me<br />
Ambitious but incapable, weak without direction<br />
Another spring prepares me for another summer alone<br />
And there is no return from the killing hour<br />
<br />
To be honest it is not this world I hate<br />
But the circumstances which shaped my mediocrity<br />
Fading in an abyss of inaction, said the mirror<br />
This is not a work of fiction - this is my life<br />
<br />
Rape the children for their own good<br />
Scars awaken a tragic sense of destiny<br />
Hope is deception born in alienation<br />
To the frantic throbbing of my own heart<br />
<br />
Sorry does nothing, objectifying me with pity<br />
Removing yourself from blame, feigning innocence<br />
If those who find me claim to love me, where were they when I needed them? <br />
Some friends would have been nice<br />
<br />
Always anticipating, never receiving, I wait<br />
I may see her soon and I will never leave her again<br />
Perhaps next year, perhaps one day, perhaps never<br />
I am not a child yet I am so inferior<br />
<br />
At last I reach out, but am I too late? <br />
Ideation of a choice as I pace in agitation<br />
I just wish I could go back and reverse this mistake<br />
I wanted to dance with her one last time<br />
<br />
Denial, anger, bargaining, depression<br />
Anger, depression, bargaining, anger<br />
Depression and anger in a cycle of envy<br />
I did nothing to deserve this, I did nothing<br />
<br />
Stop this please - I'm in pain<br />
Why doesn't anyone care? <br />
And who will tell her that I've died? <br />
And how will she know how I suffered? <br />
At last I surrender to tears<br />
As I trace my veins<br />
All I can think of is her<br />
And how much it hurts<br />
<br />
HELP ME