Am I an individual or just a pattern of behaviors? <br />
A frustrated observer unable to control<br />
I am this monolith - impressive and solitary<br />
Lingering without being perceived<br />
The crux is corrupted, inadequate, illusory<br />
Assumptions in the center, a point of blindness<br />
I built this model around a flaw<br />
So failure can never confront me<br />
<br />
I am a machine of heat, entropy, and friction<br />
Simplified into a drone of fear, hunger and lust<br />
A critical period of social development<br />
Being is motion and I stand still<br />
<br />
Purity is a symptom of waste and neglect<br />
Only a stylite would be so proud<br />
From atop a tall and narrow pedestal<br />
I shall be toppled by my own pretensions<br />
<br />
The fallacy of regression, cause where none exists<br />
Once I believed then was betrayed<br />
Friends are still alive and unchanged in my thoughts<br />
And I can never forget because I am alone<br />
<br />
An eye of contradiction in the core of stability<br />
Absorbed within myself, all is elusive<br />
Barriers I created, the arrogance of secrecy<br />
The altered state of memories is now my existence<br />
<br />
Calculate the imponderable for the thrill of possibilities<br />
To avoid facing the harshness of the present<br />
An instant of fulcrum and quiet privilege<br />
Becomes the slow sinking into insanity<br />
<br />
Beauty is vanity, says one embittered soul<br />
Without companions, obsessive and hateful<br />
Desperate for others, I surrounded myself with mirrors<br />
And grew to despise the sincerity of my reflection<br />
<br />
Clues, codes, and mysteries - a sea of irrelevance<br />
Ambitions pale beside the remembrance of those I loved<br />
The questioning child weaves uncertainty<br />
Because not one answer will suffice<br />
<br />
From a brave man I've become a whimpering creature<br />
Initiative to inertia through inexplicable disillusion<br />
At last in a dream I see her and I speak<br />
And she turns her back on me - she doesn't remember<br />
<br />
It is always too late and it is never too late<br />
Dying and birthing in constant flux<br />
Voices surround me to join them in life<br />
Circling and mocking like my wounds agape<br />
A palindrome while clever is still an enclosed system<br />
Emotions collide until stagnation and freezing<br />
Momentum and intent defeated by indecision<br />
It's all my fault, I could have been