Devo Spice

Devo Spice - PC Halloween lyrics

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My home owner's association sent us a letter

To say they had a way of making Halloween better

And safer and more fun for everyone involved

And completely non-offensive, it makes sense, problem solved

I didn't know there was a problem, but OK

And this probably won't affect my plans in any way

So let's see what they say, I read a little more

And saw my kids could only trick or treat from three o'clock to four

Decoration limit, two pumpkins per yard

And knives are dangerous, so they can't be carved

And no devils, or anything satanic or morose

And even nothing made of satin 'cause it sounds too close

To make sure nobody gets offended or upset

We've got some guidelines here for what costumes you can get

No witches, they promote witchcraft, as does

Harry Potter, Bewitched, and The Wizard of Oz

No aliens, monsters, mutants, or cannibals

And werewolves promote cruelty to animals

Vampires might make a kid too scared

And zombies are offensive to the living impaired

No Freddy, no Jason, in fact they can't be

Characters from films they aren't old enough to see

No commercial characters like Spongebob or Superman

And no ghosts, the sheets look too much like the Klan

Figure skaters show way too much skin

And Dora The Explorer's an illegal alien

OK, so how about a duck?! Anyone have a problem

With my kid dressing up like a duck?! HUH?!

We can't give out candy 'cause it makes the kids fat

Just stickers and fruit and maybe that granola crap

I was stunned, is this really how they want it run?

It's politically correct and not a damn bit of fun

[howl]... : I'm sorry we can't allow that sound effect because it's too scary and might be upsetting to some of our younger listeners.

[evil laugh]... : No, I'm sorry, the evil laughter perpetuates the stereotype of the mad scientist.

[girl screams]... : Oh now that's just sexist! Why does the victim always have to be female?

Surprisingly with all the things it said we couldn't do

The letter didn't say a word about bags of flaming poo

So guess what I got planned, and I hope they understand

'Cause I'm throwing my own party and it will get out of hand

No one will be allowed in, unless

They are wearing a costume guaranteed to offend

Maybe something like a walking pair of breast implants

Or a priest with an altar boy hanging from his pants

People showed up and I was very impressed

With my guests and how they decided to dress

There's Jess, she came as a messed up slut

And there's George Lucas with a light saber up his butt

And there's the most evil creature they say

A lawyer for the RIAA

And I dressed up like the Honey Nut Cheerios Bee

What? That little bugger scares the crap out of me

[Frankenstein growl]... : Now do you really think a reanimated corpse is suitable for children?

[owl sound]... : OK, that's better, but can you try something a little friendlier?

[puppies yipping]... : Yeah, that's perfect! Now you've got it!

Shoebox: Did you guys see Devo Spice's party!?

Luke: Yeah, it was awesome! I went as a sodomi...

Tom S: It was disgraceful, and completely against the rules!

Luke: Er, yeah, it was...(sheepishly) awful.

Shoebox: Next year we're gonna have to just ban Halloween for good and go right to Christma... er, Channuk... Kwan.. uh... you know, THAT time of year.

Tom S: That sounds like a good idea. But how do we do it?

Shoebox: Simple. We allow the residents to hang up their Holiday decorations at the beginning of October.

(Tom S and Luke agree)

Shoebox: OK, moving on. Unit number 47's front door is off-white, not white. This is against the rules. I vote we fine them $500 per day until they get it replaced. All in favor?

Luke and Tom: Aye!

Shoebox: Great. Now, the tree in front of unit 23 started changing colors 4 days before the rest of the trees in the neighborhood. This flagrant disregard for the rules can not go unpunished. I move that we make them tear it down and replace it with another tree that is on the proper fall foliage schedule. All in favor?

Luke and Tom: Aye!

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