Dane Cook - Catholicrate me
I grew up Catholic. Cath-o-lic.
Every Sunday. Every Sunday my dad made us get up, go to mass.
And you had to get there at like what, quarter to 5 in the morning?
You know, 'cuz you wanted good seats.
There were so many things to remember too, y'know when you got there.
Like little moves. Nobody knew the moves, Nobody knew.
Like, what was that one?
Nobody knew, nobody looked at eachother like 'What is this?'
Trying to make it up as you go.
There was 'Peace' when you would shake the hands of the people around you.
The only reason you knew it was coming was because the preist would say peace, like five times, rapid fire.
You'd hear him, he'd be like,
And the peace for the diciples said my peace I leave, my peace I give to you,
As we ate Reese Peices with the lord.
And he said I have a peice of lint in my peacful eye!
But you know what you were doing,
As he did his little Peace Rap?
You were looking around, at all the people whose hands you wern't going to shake.
Yeah, this is church, and you're like, 'Nah, fuck that guy'.
Here he comes. Nah, peace be with you. I'm all set.
Peace be wi- I said I'm all set, I'm doing my thing, I got a lot of people.
Peace be with you. Don't let go. You do not let go of me.
Than, it was like snack time, right in the middle of mass.
Yeah, right out of nowhere the preist would just look down and be like
"Let's have some yum-yums. I made snacks!"
You would get in line.
You would jump in the line and you would go up and get the uh..y'know, the Crouton'o'Christ,
You could take it different ways too.
It's like playing little games, when it was your turn to go up and get it.
Y'know, depending on how you felt that day.
You could either, (slaps right hand over left)
Or, or if you were really really tired just ahh...
Lord's a little stale today.
Better check the date on that lord.
He had a whole bowl of them too, He had a whole bowl.
And he kept them like this.
I got made 'cuz he kept them like this.
So I used to always try and mess with the preist, y'know.
When it was my turn to get to the front of the line, I'd be like ahh...(slaps hands together)
Your move holy man.
He had a whole bowl.
I always wanted to like grab them.
Just grab the bowl,run home and add milk, like y'know.
Eat it like Christ Chex!
It'd...It'd be great if that was a real cereal.
Start off your day the holy way with Christ Chex.
It's a miracle in a bowl.
Open the box, it's like ahhhh....
A little angel flies out, 'Good Morning! Life is beautiful!'
Thanks to Hailey