Christine Lavin - Artifical Means lyrics

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ARTIFICIAL MEANS<br />

(Christine Lavin, Copyright Flip-A-Jig Music 1984)<br />

Johnny and Janie were the perfect married couple<br />

But not in bed<br />

Oh they tried taking drugs, How-To Books, even Dr. Ruth<br />

But for all intents and purposes,<br />

Their love life was dead.<br />

'Till one day Janie went over to the Pink Pussycat Boutique.<br />

She bought a long cylindrical thing.<br />

Now Janie is smiling, Johnny is not.<br />

Every night you can hear him sing,<br />

He says,<br />

''Our love is bein' kept alive by Artificial Means,<br />

You've grown emotionally attached to that little pink machine,<br />

Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems<br />

'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means''<br />

Johnny went down to the barroom<br />

He bought one drink, he bought two, he bought three.<br />

Oh, he moaned to the bartender the state of his married life.<br />

Bartender said, ''Hey Bud, just listen to me.''<br />

So Johnny went over to the Pink Pussycat Boutique,<br />

He bought a plastic blow-up doll.<br />

Now Johnny is smiling, Janie is not.<br />

She is angry she is jealous, she's appalled.<br />

She says<br />

''Our love is bein' kept alive by Artificial Means<br />

You've grown emotionally attached to that poly-ethylene.<br />

Our relationship is not as healthy as it seems,<br />

'Cause our love is being kept alive by artificial means''<br />

Bridge: Wires (wires), Switches (switches), Batteries<br />

(batteries), Plastic (plastic),<br />

Tufts of polyester hair.<br />

Who'd ever think they could replace the love (love!)<br />

Humans used to share (humans used to, humans used to,<br />

Humans used to, humans used to!)<br />

Then one fateful day those batteries died<br />

At the same moment that that big doll sprung a leak (psssss).<br />

Janie looked at Johnny looked at Janie looked at Johnny,<br />

They both found it difficult to speak<br />

I wish I could say they threw those contraptions away<br />

And fell in love all over again,<br />

But Johnny taped up that hissing woman<br />

When Janie stole the batteries from his Sony Walkman.<br />

Their love is bein kept alive by Artificial Means.<br />

They've grown emotionally attached to those modern sex<br />

Machines.<br />

Their relationship is not as healthy as it seems,<br />

'Cause their love is being kept alive by artificial means<br />

@sex<br />

Filename[ ARTMEANS<br />

BR<br />

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