Beaches movie - Otto Tisling lyrics
rate meSong by Bette Midler<br /><br>
"This next story is a true story. <br>
It concerns two of my favorite subjects: <br>
industrial theft . . . and-a t-ts! <br>
Mmm, what a combo! This is the story . . . <br>
The inventor of the modern foundation garment <br>
that we women wear today was a German scientist <br>
and opera lover by the name of Otto Titsling! <br>
This is a true story. <br>
His name was Otto Titsling. <br>
What happened to Otto Titsling shouldn't happen to a schnauzer. <br>
It's a very sad story. I feel I have to share it with you."<br>
<br>
Otto Titsling, inventor and kraut,<br>
had nothing to get very worked up about.<br>
His inventions were failures, his future seemed bleak.<br>
He fled to the opera at least twice a week.<br>
<br>
One night at the opera he saw an Aida<br>
who's t-ts were so big they would often impede her.<br>
Bug-eyed he watched her fall into the pit,<br>
done in by the weight of those terrible t-ts.<br>
<br>
Oh, my god! There she blows!<br>
Aerodynamically this bitch was a mess.<br>
Otto eyeballed the diva lying comatose amongst the reeds,<br>
and he suddenly felt the fire of inspiration<br>
flood his soul. He knew what he had to do!<br>
He ran back to his workshop<br>
where he futzed and futzed and futzed.<br>
<br>
For Otto Titsling had found his quest:<br>
to lift and mold the female breast;<br>
to point the small ones to the sky;<br>
to keep the big ones high and dry!<br>
<br>
Every night he'd sweat and snort<br>
searching for the right support.<br>
He tried some string and paper clips.<br>
Hey! He even tried his own two lips!<br>
<br>
Well, he stitched and he slaved<br>
and he slaved and he stitched<br>
until finally one night, in the wee hours of morning,<br>
Otto arose from his workbench triumphant.<br>
Yes! He had invented the worlds first<br>
over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder. Hooray!<br>
<br>
Exhausted but ecstatic he ran<br>
down the street to the diva's house<br>
bearing the prototype in his hot little hand.<br>
Now, the diva did not want to try the darn thing on.<br>
But, after many initial misgivings,<br>
she finally did.<br>
And the sigh of relief that issued forth<br>
from the diva's mouth<br>
was so loud that it was mistaken by some<br>
to be the early onset of the Siroccan Winds<br>
which would often roll through the Schwarzwald<br>
with a vengeance!<br>
Ahhhhh-i!<br>
<br>
But little did Otto know,<br>
at the moment of his greatest triumph,<br>
lurking under the diva's bed<br>
was none other than the very worst<br>
of the French patent thieves,<br>
Philippe DeBrassiere.<br>
And Phil was watching the scene<br>
with a great deal of interest!<br>
<br>
Later that night, while our Brun Hilda slept,<br>
into the wardrobe Philippe softly crept.<br>
He fumbled through knickers and corsets galore,<br>
'til he found Otto's titsling and he ran out the door.<br>
<br>
Crying, "Oh, my god! What joy! What bliss!<br>
I'm gonna make me a million from this!<br>
Every woman in the world will wanna buy one.<br>
I can have all the goods manufactured in Taiwan."<br>
<br>
"Oh, thank you!"<br>
<br>
The result of this swindle is pointedly clear:<br>
Do you buy a titsling or do you buy a brassiere?<br>
<br>
"Ohhh! Thank you!"<br>
<br>