Andy Dick - I'm Not Stalking You (I'm Just Calling A Lot) lyrics

rate me

The waiting room, what a place for our first kiss

Isn’t it weird that we both have the same therapist?

All my time with you was so precious

I know we’ll probably wind up being Mr. and Mrs.

Because I wined and dined you at the Ritz, remember that?

I drank so much I got the shits, remember that?

I got you that facial and then that massage, what about that?

But you never would let me give you a colonic, what was up with that?

Whatever

I’m not stalking you

I’m just calling a lot

I’m not trying to upset you

I’m not

Who’s this Kevin guy

I think I should know

I didn’t give up three weeks of my life

Just to let you go

Oh no, I don’t give up that easy

C’mon I think we can work it out, sweetie

For nineteen days we were in love you fucking bitch!

Oh my god, what did I just say?

I didn’t mean it

But you took the dog and all the booze

And I got jack

You know those Betsy Johnson skirts and Prada shoes

I think I want those back, yeah

In fact why don’t you just give me back everything I ever gave you, everything

Including my heart, which you took out of my chest; still beating

And threw it on the ground and did some kind of satanic river dance on it

And doused it with gasoline, lit it on fire

And put the fire out with some kind of meat-tenderizer

And as if that wasn’t enough

You had to sit on it and let one

I’m not stalking you

I’m just calling a lot

I’m not trying to freak you out

I’m not

Oh I saw that Kevin guy

I thought you should know

He seems okay

It’s time for him to go

That’s right, I think he should get out of the picture right quick

In fact, you know what?

I think he should probably suck my dick

You heard me, I think he should probably suck my dick

I’m fine alone, don’t worry about me

I said I’m fine!

See, you don’t understand that I know that you’re still mine

We’ve got the perfect relationship

In my head

Just like that one movie

Ted, Bob, Carol, and Alice

Did I say Ted?

That movie that you wanted me to watch, remember?

Maybe, maybe, we should watch it now

Because I got at home and it’s on permanent loop in my apartment

You can come over we can shnuggle up and watch your fucking movie

How about that?

I don’t wanna watch your fucking movie

It’s okay, no

I’m not stalking you

I’m just calling a lot

I’m not gonna fucking rape you or anything

Seriously, I’m not

Oh, where’s that Kevin guy

Have they found him yet?

You know, they’re looking in the totally wrong place

I bet

Finally got him to suck my dick

In fact why don’t both of you suck my dick?