Allan Sherman - You Need An Analyst lyrics

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You Need An Analyst<br />

If you're always stealing goodies from a big department store,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

If your pocket's full of little things you never owned before,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

If somebody says "Good morning," and politely tips his hat,<br />

And you frown and say, "I wonder what he really meant by that,<br />

If you're walking down the sidewalk and you won't step on a crack,<br />

You're afraid if you step on a crack, you'll break your mother's back,<br />

If you're at the Philharmonic and you start to do the twist,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

(You need an analyst, you need an analyst,<br />

We really must insist that you see an analyst.)<br />

If you're freezing or you're sweating from imaginary ills,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

If it takes an IBM machine to classify your pills,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

If you tiptoe into bed and you're as quiet as a mouse,<br />

But the bed you tiptoe into is in someone else's house,<br />

If you have a brand new raincoat, and of it you're very fond,<br />

In fact, you'd rather be alone with it than with a blonde,<br />

If you wear your wristwatch on your feet and stockings on your wrist,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

(You need an analyst, you need an analyst,<br />

We really must insist that you see an analyst.)<br />

If you're always tearing paper into teeny weeny bits,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

If you've got a secret closet full of pomegranate pits,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

If they ask you what your name is and you answer Bonaparte,<br />

If you dig those daffy doodles that are known as modern art,<br />

If you're walking down the street and then you stop to tie your shoes,<br />

And you tie them to each other as you hum Saint Louis Blues,<br />

Or if you're forty-six years old and never have been kissed,<br />

Go kiss an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

(Go kiss an analyst, go kiss an analyst,<br />

We really must insist that you kiss an analyst.)<br />

If you're always having arguments when no one else is there,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

And whenever you are angry, if you kick your teddy bear,<br />

You need an analyst, a psychoanalyst.<br />

If you dream you've got a purple dragon next to you in bed,<br />

And you wake up and your dragon isn't purple, it is red,<br />

If you eat those little prizes, and you save the Crackerjacks,<br />

If you really think they're ever gonna cut the income tax,<br />

You need an analyst,<br />

(You need) I need (he needs) we need<br />

Everybody needs an analyst