Allan Sherman - The Drinking Man's Diet lyrics

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Oh, I'm on the Drinking Man's Diet,<br />

It came from a book I was loaned.<br />

It's really terrific and quite scientific<br />

And I'm half stoned.<br />

For breakfast some cornflakes and vodka,<br />

But cornflakes have carbohydrate;<br />

So I don't eat those fattening cornflakes,<br />

I eat the vodka straight. <br />

Drink, drink, everyone drink;<br />

It's not as bad as we used to think.<br />

With every Manhattan your stomach will flatten,<br />

So drink, drink, drink. <br />

The Air Force invented this diet,<br />

A fact which they hotly deny.<br />

Of course they deny it, 'cause this is the diet<br />

That got the Air Force high.<br />

For lunch you can have three martinis,<br />

What better lunch is there than that?<br />

But caution: do not eat the olives,<br />

'Cause olives make you fat. <br />

Drink, drink, everyone drink;<br />

It's not as bad as we used to think.<br />

If pounds you would burn off, then turn on your Smirnoff,<br />

And drink, drink, drink. <br />

For dinner, a nice Scotch and soda<br />

Now that oughtta help you to lose.<br />

No whipped cream, no butter, just lay in the gutter<br />

And booze, booze, booze.<br />

Suppose you should meet a policeman,<br />

Who says you've been quenching your thirst;<br />

You just tell him it's physical fitness<br />

And health comes first! <br />

Drink (hic!), drink (hic!), booze everywhere (hic!);<br />

Pass that decanter of bourbon there.<br />

I'm fatter than ever, but here's what's so clever:<br />

I don't care! <br />

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