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Bob Schneider - A Fine Scabs Christmas Lyrics

It was Thursday night in Jerusalem
And it was cloudy and mean
Ole Jesus went out on the town
To get himself some of that turpentine
He went into a bar and said,
“Can I get a shot of that mead”
The bartender not recognizing ole Jesus said,
“There’s something that you’ll need”

Well now ole Jesus got carded on Christmas
It was such a sight
And Santa’s got a boner and he’s fucking my daughter
Ooohhh on Christmas night

It’s a fine Scabs Christmas
Here in purgatory
All the angels have on fake dicks
It’s just that same ole story
We’re going to hell
We’re gonna spend Christmas in hell

All I want for Christmas is for you to stick your finger in my nuts
All I want for Christmas is for you to stick your tongue all over my nuts
And then I might stick my little christmasy finger in your butt

There was a little boy born in a manger
And they called him Jesus Christ
His mother was a virgin but somehow she still had lice
“Now how’d you get those crabs, mother Mary?”
Ole Joseph did inquire
Then Jesus popped out and he said, ”I’m your sire
I am the Son of God
I am the Son of God
I am hungry but I am the Son of God
And so they invented Melba toast
But Jesus got carded on Christmas
I’ve got a scab on my Christmas
 

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